But it does feel a little closer.
I forced myself to go out last night. An old friend was having an oyster roast, so why not. I wasn't completely in the mood (obvious from last post), but I did it anyway. I made myself actually fix my hair and put on makeup. I made myself drive over then and be social. And I enjoyed it! Shock! Gasp! It wasn't a huge get together. It was small and calm, but nice. No one asked me anything about TTC or my loss. I brought it up once. It was relaxing.
And I ate. I blew my diet out of the water. And I don't care. I've decided that I'm not ready to diet, yet. I don't want to gain back anymore weight, but I don't want to deny myself right now. Food has always been very comforting for me.
I finally had one of those moments I've heard about. Mr. W and I were at Crac.ker Bar.rel and I almost had to go back home. I was looking at Christmas ornaments and happened across a "Baby's first Christmas". I just about lost it. Luckily my eyelids can blink very fast. Fast enough to force tears back. I'm not sure what triggered the second episode (less than 5 minutes later), but Mr. W was there that time and hugged me so I could hide my face for a minute. then I'm guessing he saw the very pregnant woman heading towards me because he ushered me outside a minute later. Unfortunately she didn't make it to her car before I turned around. But I'd luckily managed to get myself under control by then.
Lunch was pretty uneventful after my initial drama.
I just can't understand why every little baby thing bothers me unless it's directly related to a friend who's suffered with IF. Maybe if I pretended that everyone I see has had to live through it to get where they are. That's a thought.
3 comments:
Yeah, I get caought by the randomnest pregnancy related stuff. I don't think that logic comes into it.
xx
J
You are have wonderful and thoughtful husband for trying to protect you. Maybe I should fight it more, but I am right there with you. Even though I am currently one of the lucky ones, it pains me to see other pg ladies.
I'm glad you went out and had (mostly) a good time.
I too find myself irrationally bothered by all things pregnancy related. I have been avoiding the gym all week after running into the same pregnant woman there twice in a row. She was pregnant before I was pregnant, and pregnant when I miscarried, but I still don't want to have to see her.
I'm glad you were able to get out and enjoy yourself a bit. Seven weeks post-m/c, I still have days where I'd rather not.
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