:-)

I'm still here and doing well! The vomiting has slowed down considerably. Of course, now that I've said that I'll spend 1/2 my day puking tomorrow. Whatever, I'll take it for the good days that come between! I've so much more energy than I ever remember having while pregnant with the boys...of course that was a twin pregnancy. I'm also nesting so much I can barely stand myself. I want the nursery set up YESTERDAY! I'm also ready to kill Tim for not picking up after himself better. Yes, he vacuums (once in a while) and sweeps, but that does not make up for leaving his crap laying around. At least the boys have begun helping pick their stuff up!

Speaking of boys...we have confirmation that Thumper is indeed a little boy! The ultrasound technician threw me for a loop by referring to Thumper as a girl throughout the scan and not checking the gender until almost the end. She explained that she thought we told her we had been told earlier we were having a girl. *roll eyes* Thumper is most definitely a boy, though. He's also feisty! He's feistier than Trip ever was, and he's a handful. I'm definitely going to be kept on my toes with these three!!

I cannot believe my little boys turned two years old already. They're getting so big and learning so much! Jack can count to 13, sing his ABCs, and recognizes almost every letter in the alphabet and numbers up to 12. He knows a few of his shapes and is working on his colors. Trip, on the other hand, can climb anything he wants to and go anywhere he pleases. He follows me everywehre and always wants to "hep" me. He is so very social and says "Hey!" or "Hellllo!" to almost everyone that crosses his path. They are both so unique and so full of personality!!! Every day brings new challenges and new blessings.

I had so much more to say before I actually started this post, but as usual it's gone, now. I'll leave you with a video of Trip "helping" Jack and a few pics of all of my boys!

Thumper @ 20 weeks

My two reindeer

Jack LOVES cake!

"Cheese"

My little superman

Big grin

All is well

Well, for the most part all is well. We have a heartbeat!

Introducing "Thumper"

Blob being measured = Baby

Tim picked the nickname. He said as soon as the picture came up on the screen all he could see "was that heart thumping away".

My appointment today went really really well. I go back in 2 weeks for a re-check due to my anxiety then 3 weeks later for my 1st trimester screening. The doctor was very pleased with all the measurements and with how I looked.

For those of you that aren't on Twitter, yesterday was a crisis day for me emotionally. The anxiety has reached a level I can't deal with alone. Tim was (still is) my night in shining armor and got me an appointment with a doc and therapist on base. Unfortunately there wasn't much they could do to help, but they did make it plainly clear that I need help with the boys right now. I'm unable to to function without vomiting, I can't fix food, I can't stand any smells...I can't function. I'm not supposed to be using the term "can't" and am supposed to be saying, "it's hard to", but right now it's can't.  The anxiety isn't omg-is-my-baby-ok anxiety. It isn't omg-how-am-I-going-to-take-care-of-3-children anxiety. It's hormones-are-flooding-my-system-and-my-brain-isn't-coping-well-with-them anxiety.

So as of today I'm on Zoloft. I'm praying the medicine helps because I don't know what to do if it doesn't. For this week Tim is off work to take care of the boys and me. Next week my Mom is taking off work to come take care of the boys and me. The doctor and therapist were crystal clear about the need to get this anxiety under control before I end up hospitalized...so we're working on it. Seeing a heartbeat today did seem to help a tiny bit. It's completely gotten rid of the thoughts I'd been having of not wanting to see a heartbeat. Knowing that my OB is taking my anxiety seriously has helped a tiny bit, too. Knowing Tim is here to step up to the plate (and is completely rocking his temporary position as SAHD) has helped. Knowing my Mom (MOMMY!!!) is coming Sunday has helped, too.

Another help I've had?  The love and support I've received here and on Twitter. You guys are absolutely amazing!!! I honestly expected some back-lash on my last post and was so pleasantly surprised with the love and support I received instead.

I've also contacted the local support group for www.postpartum.net. I never knew before how common depression and anxiety are during pregnancy. I also never knew that the same people who give you support for PPD can help you through depression/anxiety during pregnancy.

I so badly want to love where I am right now. I want to be better. I want to be me again. I want to be the mother I know I am. I want to be the wife I know I am. I am getting help.

This and that

I really should do Danifred's Friday Night Leftovers, but that would mean posting on a certain day...yeah.  Not sure I can commit.  I know, I suck.  ;-)  Here's are some bullet points for you regardless.

• I'm supposed to get my braces off today.  Hooray!  I've had them on for 21 months 4 weeks and 1 day.  Wow.  I'm probably going to get a permanent retainer because my memory sucks like that.  Yeah.


• I'm not looking forward to un-telling my Ortho's office.  I told them I was pregnant when I went in last time because they mentioned X-rays.  Now I have to un-tell a huge open office of mostly women of childbearing age.  At least they're all nice women.  I just pray no one says any of those horrible things that people seem to want to say in times of loss.


• Tim is leaving the country before I get done with my ortho appointment today.  He'll be gone for almost two weeks.  I'm not sure who will miss him more, me or the boys.  They adore their Daddy.  I'm kind of partial to him myself.


• I find it amusing that everyone I know will see me without braces for the first time in almost two years, except the man I'm married to.  Hahaha!


• I'm tired of the stupid things people say to someone that's had a miscarriage (or other forms of loss).  "God knows best"?  And you and God speak about me often?  Let ME decide when I want to give this to God (which, by the way, I have, but it hurts me when other people assume things).


• Please also don't tell me there must have been something wrong with the baby.  I only know one doctor and she wouldn't be so insensitive since she's not my OB.  And if you think something else besides "I'm sorry" "I'm praying for you" or such sentiments are appropriate, they're probably not.  (and in no way is any of this directed at anyone that has ever commented on my blog, this is for the IRL people that honestly mean well, but screw it up instead).


• We find out in 2 1/2 weeks if there are any test results to receive.  We may find out if something went wrong.  We may find out the sex of the Nugget.  We may not.  I'm trying to not really grieve too much until then.  No matter how much I grieve and/or heal, the whole can of worms will be reopened then.


• The boys and I (and Emma, the dog) are heading up to visit my parents in Western NC this week.  I've got plans to hang out with my BFF Friday night.  Saturday afternoon I'm taking my nephew to a movie for his birthday.  Sunday I'm going to church with my boys and my parents and praying that no one makes a stupid comment to me (their whole church knows about the nugget).  Monday we're heading home!


• I'm almost done with a scarf to wear while in NC.  It's really difficult to get into crocheting a scarf when the daily high is almost 70°.  Don't get me wrong, I'm SO HAPPY the weather is beautiful, but it really kills warm-chunky-scarf desire. ;-)


• Jack bites.  Just ask Trip.  Trip took Jack's toy for about the 100th time last night and Jack finally snapped.  We thought Jack was just pushing Trip down with his head, like he so often does to keep him away, but we were wrong.  We lifted Jack off and found eight tiny teeth prints on Trip's arm.  Trip never even gave a clue Jack was hurting him (and we know it had to hurt, the red marks are still there today).  The devious little grin across Trip's face never faltered...well, not until Tim held Trip still so I could take a picture of the wound.  Heathen children!


• Oh yeah, and Trip might have been fussy the past couple of weeks because he was getting a 1 year molar...duh! I didn't notice it until it was 1/2 way through.  This totals 3 teeth in his mouth that are 1/2 way through and 3 more huge lumps where his other three 1 year molars are ready to bust through.  Jack also has a 1 year molar cutting through and 3 huge lumps where more molars are hiding out.


• Sock it to me anyone?
  

Thank you for being here for me!  You'll never know how much it has meant to have your support.  :-)

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Joy in unlikely places

I couldn't think of a title for this post, but I really didn't want to leave my last one on top.

Sunday night, while standing at the Labor and Delivery check-in desk, I got to hear one of the most beautiful sounds.  Most would think it would have been a horrible thing to hear at that moment, knowing I was more than likely about to find out my baby was dead, but it wasn't.  It brought tears of joy to my eyes.

In the room right across from the desk, a baby had just been born.  A little life had just made it safely outside.  I could hear those angry and confused little screams...and it made my heart happy.  I imagined that the mother had longed for this pregnancy with her entire heart and soul.  I imagined those little screams to be the most beautiful thing she had ever heard.  I even imagined that maybe she had been where I was right then, but was now in that room about to hold her very own little miracle of life.

It makes me happy even now to think about it.

******************

Danifred wrote a beautiful post today that was exactly what I needed to read.  You should read it too!

Today is a great day!

Well, obviously I have a few reasons that make today a great day, but I have one specific reason in mind at the moment.

I am NOT throwing up!  Yes, I'm queasy and it has gotten worse over the past week.  But I am 7 weeks pregnant today and have not thrown up once!  I've gagged and I've opted to toss food out rather than eat it, but I've kept everything down!

When I was pregnant with the twins I began my hate-hate relationsihp with HG at 6 weeks 2 days.  I am ecstatic to have passed that date without one running-to-the-bathroom-with-my-hands-pressed-against-my-mouth episode!!!

Now if only this will last.  I'm being positive and thinking it will.  :-)

To remember

I've read a few posts from other bloggers that are basically just things that they want to remember.  And I like the idea.

Jack.  My Baby Boy.  Happy-Jack.

• He hugs my shoulder when I pick him up.


• He loves to smile...at almost everything!


• He started laughing this weekend; he thought my Mom was hilarious.


• He shoves both of his hands against his nose and mouth when he starts falling asleep or when he begins to wake up.


• He loves his jumperoo.


• He loves grabbing the things hanging from his play gym and shoving them into his mouth.


• He sucks his fingers some times (but won't take a pacifier).


• He sleeps like his Daddy.  He's not easy to wake up and makes a lot of noise in his sleep.


• He loves "talking" to you and gets upset if you don't pay attention.  He also loves it when you talk to him.


• He is one of the happiest babies that I have ever seen.  Ever.


• He adores his Daddy!

Trip.  My Little Man.  Trip-Monster.

• He began laughing last week, but really got it going this weekend.  He also thought my Mom was hilarious.


• He doesn't smile for many people, but when he does they're in love.


• He bloomed this past weekend.  He is Mr. Personality, now!


• He loves to grab the things hanging from his play gym, but has no interest in sticking it in his mouth.


• He clasps his hands together all the time.


• He loves to stick his hands in his mouth.  Since said hands are usually clasped together he frequently tries to shove both hands in.  This always results in choking.


• He has coughed since he was born.  It's still cute (and due to the dry heat).


• His mood swings are crazy!  He will laugh then cry within the same few seconds.


• He's most ticklish on the outside of his ribs.


• He loves it when you hold his hands and he helps you pull himself up to a sitting position.


• He adores his Mommy and often won't pay attention to anyone else if he can see me.  :-)

*****************************************************

It's amazing how much they both blossomed this past weekend.  We all went to the mountains to see my family (and the husband's grandparents).  The boys loved spending time with my parents.  I think it was all the one-on-one time that they both received.  I've decided that even if it means I don't get anything done around the house, I'm going to make sure they get more one-on-one time with me.

Last night the boys slept sans-swaddles.  I've used these since they were born, but now they're really too small.  So since my choices are go buy the swaddles in a larger size or put them in sleep sacks, I opted for the sleep sacks.  They need to be able to move around more, anyway.  I know it's better for their development. 

The night was interesting.  Trip woke up some time around 5 am (it would have been earlier, but we got back from our trip very late) screaming his little head off.  His new found freedom had allowed him to scoot up to the top of his crib.  I can assure you he was not at all happy about having the top of his head pressed up against the bars of his crib.  I believe Trip's screaming woke up Jack because he wasn't very happy either.  I fed both of them (loved not having to unwrap them to feed them and the ease with which the diaper change went) and laid them back down without any further fuss.  This morning around 8:30 the husband and I walked in to one very happy Trip-monster and one still sleeping Jack-Jack.  Jack was even sleeping curled up on his side sucking on one hand.  This was quite a change from our typical morning routine which consists of being awakened by the screams of a very hungry and not-happy-to-be-swaddled Trip and a pretty happy but grunting-about-the-swaddle Jack. 

We'll see how tonight goes.  They went down without much of a fuss around 7:15.  I'm hoping they sleep to a decent hour in the morning.

I'm in total awe of how much these two little creatures have changed in the few months that they've been on the outside.  It's truly hard to wrap my mind around the fact that this time last year I was on CD2 of the cycle that created them.  It's even harder to wrap my mind around the fact that this time next year I'll have two 15 month old boys terrorizing my home.  Our home.  I am in awe.  :-)

:-)

You guys are so amazing! Reading your wonderful and supportive and loving comments on my last two posts brought tears to my eyes. I don't have much of a support system IRL, so you mean a lot to me. I love you guys!

To update:

Things are much better with me and Mr. W. I've talked to him a few times about the possible crush. He's convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he doesn't even find her attractive. I explained to him that this is probably just my insecurities coming to the surface and it will take me a while to get over this. He understood and is being super supportive of me.

You guys are right, though. If he thought she was hot, that wouldn't bother me. I've actually pointed out women to my husband if they're that attractive (funny thing is how different our "tastes" are...if I were a guy we'd never have competed for the same woman). If he actually had a crush on her...that would have been more of an emotional thing and it would have bothered me. Being flattered by someone who gives him attention wouldn't bother me either. I understand how it feels to have someone make you feel good about yourself. Funny story: Right after we found out I was pregnant the first time Mr. W went to the store. Some attractive young thing hit on him and tried to give him her number. Of course he didn't take the number, but he was so flattered. He came home damn near gushing about it. You know why it flattered him? She couldn't have been older than 19 so it made him feel "young"! Hahahaha (he was 27 at the time I think)!

As far as the postpartum depression goes, it's gotten better. Just realizing what the problem is helped. Changing the boys to a two hour eating schedule helped (Trip is a much happier baby and is eating almost twice as much as he was, now). Quitting the evil Zoloft helped (the anxiety is all but gone again). Mr. W stepping it up has helped. I'm beginning Prozac tomorrow, so we'll see if that helps. I'm trying to get back to walking at least a mile every day; I know that helps. Day by day it's getting better.

I need to work on my self esteem and body image, now. The walking is a step in the right direction (seriously, no pun intended). I need to work on our diet, though. I'd like to go back to Weight Watchers, but until I can commit myself to three definite meals a day, there's no point. Maybe in a couple of months. Right now I'm focusing on eating less when I eat and trying to add some healthier things in. I'm also working on increasing my sex life. That may not sound like it has anything to do with self esteem or body image, but it does. The more I allow Mr. W to touch me, the more I'm going to believe he really wants to (boy that sounds effed up). As it stands I feel repulsive therefor it's hard to believe he's attracted to me. Plus, the natural endorphins from sex are great for my moods! ;-)

Anyway. I appreciate all of the support and advice. It really helped me figure out if I wanted to stew over the "crush" or confront. It's also made me feel loved which is a really great feeling. :-) Thank you.

How could I leave that out?

I spent a while the other night reading through all of my posts beginning with the BFP that resulted in my boys.  I cried just remembering seeing the first positive, the first time we saw anything on the ultrasound screen, the first time we saw their heartbeats, finding out they were boys.  What a journey it was.

But I left so much out!  I wrote about how wonderful Mr. W was.  I wrote about how sick I stayed.  I wrote about feeling the boys move.  But I still left so much out!

I wrote about my oily skin and acne, but didn't mention how it all cleared up and how I had the most beautiful skin in the world for the rest of my pregnancy.  I wrote about my nausea (which did not leave me until birth), but didn't really explain that towards the end it was pretty manageable. 

I wrote about the doctor saying that one sac wasn't viable, but didn't mention that she told me this at two ultrasounds.  I wrote about seeing their two beautiful heartbeats, but didn't mention that the doctor told me to not get my hopes up too much about twins since there was still a good chance that "Baby B" wouldn't make it (he was in the "non viable" sac. 

I cried the other night when I thought about this.  I looked at the baby in my arms, "Baby A", and hugged him a little tighter.  I turned to Mr. W and told him he was holding "Baby B", the one that wasn't "viable".  He loved on him a little more.  We are so blessed.

No longer "heartbroken"

I wrote this post in June.

Merry Christmas!

We couldn't have asked for anything more...

 [gallery link="file" columns="2"]

:-)

Thank you all so much for the support and advice on my last post.  Mr. W finally realized how much all of you guys mean to me when your comments began to make me feel better.  You all rock!

I've made my decisions about feeding the boys based on what Mr. W and I feel what is best for the four of us.  Immediately upon deciding I felt peaceful.  We're a much happier household, now.

I read a post recently that helped me put a few things into perspective.  Instead of being upset about what I have or don't have and what I can or can't do, I need to completely focus on the wonderful things in my life.  I am very blessed.

I'm no longer waiting in line.  :-)

37 week update (of sorts)

Well, the update is...there is nothing really to update. 

In the past three weeks my cervix has not changed enough to make note of.  Really?  Really.  It doesn't help that Baby A is laying transverse in the bottom of my uterus and Baby B is breach (as high up as he can get himself) on the my right side.  There's literally no help from the kids as far as the cervix goes.  I'm pretty sure they want out, though.  My belly looks eerily like it could lead to the scene in Alien most nights.  I'm convinced Baby B is trying to go-into-the-light (didn't I read they can see light through the belly).  I'm quite tempted to stick a flashlight down by my girly bits and see if maybe they don't come on down.

I'm thinking as positively as I can that this is best for the boys.  The more time they have checking out my insides equals less time they have checking out the inside of the hospital.  But don't mention this to me at 5:30 in the morning when I've given up on sleeping due to the discomfort and pain.  ;-)

I guess there is a little to update on.  I have been telling everyone, medical professionals and family, that my left leg is more swollen that my right.  Monday, when I went to my doctors' office for the swelling, they measured my calves and explained that they were the same size.  This is good.  Today I saw one of the MFM doctors and he said the same thing, but just to play it safe he wanted to send me to the hospital for an ultrasound on my legs to rule out a clot.  I'm really not sure what prompted him to do this since I have zero symptoms of a blood clot (legs do appear to be the same size, no pain, no redness, no numbness, no "heat"), but of course I complied.  I guess it's the Factor II mutation and family history.  FYI, if you're ever going for an u/s on your legs, wear some undies that cover your ass unless you're really proud of the shape of it.  Anyway, the technician that did my u/s confirmed what I've been saying.  My left leg IS more swollen that my right leg.  Yes, they measure the same and appear the same (except my left foot does look puffier), but they're not.  She had a hell of a time doing what she needed to on my left leg because of the extra fluid in it.  I'm right side dominant people!  The muscles in my right arm and leg are more developed than my left...it's natural!  But the good news is there are no clots.  She was super paranoid, and admitted this, and told me that if the swelling increases AT ALL to call my doctor IMMEDIATELY so they can scan them again.  The way I took this is, "If you notice the swelling getting worse than it has been, not worse than it is right now, but worse than it usually is by the end of the day, then call your doctor immediately.  If the swelling continues with it's normal trends, horrific at night and only scary in the mornings, continue with life as normal since you'll have your babies and your blood thinner next week anyway."  The funny thing is that my midwife told me on Monday to rest more to get the swelling to go down and the technician was adamant that I need to move more to get the swelling to go down.  Mr. W and I both agree that what the technician said makes much more sense.  Plus, I actually did a couple of things around the house and cooked dinner last night and it seemed to help. 

********************************************

Oooh!  I should update on the house!!!  The only things we have left are the little things!  Mr. W needs to touch up the nail holes in the baseboards, re-caulk some trim then touch up with paint, and balance one seriously noisy ceiling fan (I guess it throws a fan off balance if you hit it with a mattress).  We need to pick out accessories for the guest and master bathroom and decor for the living room.  We need to install shelves and rods in our closet (can't wait, he's agreed to really nice wooden organizer stuff!!!)  And that's it!!!

As far as the nursery goes, we still need one more set of bedding and the mobiles.  We also need to hang some banners that my sister made.  At some point we're going to install one of those wire closet organizer things, but it's not necessary quite yet.  After that, it's ready to be destroyed occupied by the boys!  Actually, I have no problem with it the way it is, but the rest of the house is falling together so beautifully so I want the nursery to do the same.

After so many years of working on a family and a house it's finally all coming together.  I. Am.  So.  Happy.  :-D

Keeping it bright and shiny

My burn is healing nicely.  It looks pretty nasty, but it doesn't hurt when my shirt or hand graze it anymore.  Now if only I could keep the boys from sticking body parts out of that area.  But at least I haven't gone into labor!  I can only imagine how it would feel to have regular contractions with this sucker (instead of the very few and very far between BH contractions).

I know I had to have said this at least a billion times, but Mr. W really is Mr. Wonderful.  My Christmas tree is now up and decorated!  This is the first time, according to him, that he has ever decorated a tree.  It's just not his thing.  He said, "You should be happy."  My response was, "Well, I know you love me.  And I am carrying your children."  Snicker.  I guess I better get all the use out of that statement while it lasts.  :-)

It's raining here, which is a bit gloomy because it's been nonstop since night before last.  You'd think someone had sprayed Mr. W's dog with something stinky, or possibly even acid.  You can hear her as soon as she hits the dog door from going outside.  She slides all over the floor (new pergo floors, they haven't quite adjusted to the lack of traction) making her way into the living room.  She immediately throws herself onto the floor face first and rolls around while scratching her face with her paws.  She jumps up and shakes once or twice then repeats the whole performance.  It's hilarious!  All of that drama from a little bit of water.  Hahahaha!!!

Tomorrow is 36 weeks.  :-)

Still thankful

I am very thankful that Mr. W picked out such wonderful and sensible carpet!  We had it installed a few months ago (the one thing that Mr. W wouldn't do himself) and it's looked good so far.

Just a few minutes ago Mr. W put it to the test.  He didn't take his shoes off before going upstairs and managed to track dog poo all over the carpet (the stairs and all three bedrooms).  He proceeded to grab a rag and quickly clean it up.  It didn't stain or even stick to the carpet!  I am so thankful for our PET carpet!

Of course he'll use the steam cleaner as soon as his family leaves (leave already people!!!).

Thanks-giving is not over

Today is the day after the holiday, but I am so thankful. 

Mel did a post called Mico-Thankfulness and it made me think even harder about the little things in life.

I am thankful for my beautiful girls.  My Megan and my Emma dogs.  I call them my "heathens", but they truly are wonderful animals.  Yes, Emma will shred any piece of paper she can find and Megan will curl up in any available cushioned furniture, if  you leave them unattended for too long downstairs.  If someone comes to the door all I have to do is tell them "Go outside" in a firm voice and they run out their dog door and wait until I call them back in.  These girls love me and my husband unconditionally and it shows.  We very much love them back. 

I am thankful for my kitchen appliances and gadgets.  I know this is an odd one, but when we moved into this house it was full of really old nasty appliances and I had to live with those for a while.  I'm not the best cook, but I truly enjoy it.  It's so nice to have an oven that keeps the chosen temperature.  Making a cake (or a meringue) is so much easier with the stand mixer that Mr. W gave me last year for Christmas.  I'm thankful for all of my wonderful bamboo mixing spoons and my lovely pots and pans.  They serve me so well and clean up so nicely!  I also love my insanely cheap yet super sharp knife set.

I am thankful for my aqua globes, which truly have made it easier to keep my houseplants alive.  I am thankful for my houseplants.  I have quite a few of them and they almost all have a special meaning.  There is the plant that I received from my first job in Charleston (my first job in my new life as I like to remember it).  There is the small peace lily that was in the house when Mr. W moved in; we have no idea how it was alive since the house had been vacant for over a year.  There are the corn plant, the large peace lily, and the schefflera from my Grandpa's funeral a few years ago.  There are the mother-in-law's tongue and the african violet from my Granny's funeral two years ago.  I have three plants that started out as cuttings from plants at my second job in Charleston.  I have two jade plants, one was a gift from my last boss for my birthday year before last and the other is a clipping from a clipping from a clipping (etc) from a plant I owned my senior year in high school.  I love my plants.

I am thankful that Mr. W doesn't mind cleaning.  When I began this post he was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher.  After he finished that, he brought me a glass of water.  For that I was extremely thankful.

I am thankful that my menomenamena tree twinkles!  (just found this out as we just put it up)  The twinkling lights are so cheery and calming.

I am beyond thankful for all of the support and friendship I have received since first being found by Farah and then finding her blog. 

There is so much more that I am thankful for, and I plan on writing more posts, but for now I'll leave it at this.  Thank you!

33 Weeks

Today marks 33 weeks.  I cannot believe that I am 33 weeks pregnant with twins.  I cannot believe I'm pregnant.  I'm still in awe of where I am right now.

This Thursday I have my final growth scan.  I'm expecting both boys to weigh five plus pounds (this would be keeping with their past two growth scans).  This is the scan that will pretty much decide if I'm bound for a C-section.  I really don't think that Baby A has turned into a good position since I felt him poking out opposite sides of my belly the other night (consequently causing me to have a contraction.  I tried to explain to him that if he pushes on the uterus it pushes back.  He didn't listen).  I'm not excited about the thought of surgery, but I'll do whatever it takes to get these boys out safely.

Speaking of getting these boys out...I'm about to jinx myself, but...I really feel that I've only got about two weeks (or less) left before these kids are coming.  I could be completely wrong on this one (good God please don't let me go to induction!), but it just feels like it's getting close.  The amount of contractions I've been having has increased drastically.  If I'm on my feet for more than 10 or so minutes I start contracting.  If I'm not laying on my left side by a certain time at night I start contracting.  Almost every night I have some cramping in my lower abdomen.  I guess I'll find out Thursday if all this activity has had any effect on my cervix.

Don't get me wrong, I want these two to stay in until they're healthy enough to come out.  I'm also very very very grateful to have gotten as far as I have with little to no issues.  I am very blessed.

***edited***

Mr. W says that he'll be surprised if I go past the middle of next week.

The rest of the visit

• Everything looks wonderful with the boys.  The doctors still have my due date as 12/27 (instead of 12/27) so that would mean that Baby A is measuring a couple of days ahead and Baby B is measuring right on time.  Baby A weighs approximately 9 ounces and Baby B weighs approximately 8 ounces.  :-)


• My cervix looks really good.  They said anything over 3 is good and mine is measuring "well over 4". 


• I saw a midwife for this visit and will see her a lot during the rest of the pregnancy.  She was wonderful and answered all of my (and Mr. W's) questions. 


• My fundal height is 29 cm.  It amused me to watch the midwife take the measurement.  She laid the tape down, moved it up a little, moved it up a little more, moved it up a little more, then said "Oh.  29 cm.  You don't look that big!  You must have a lot of room in there."  I'm not growing outwards quite as much as I"m growing upwards at the moment.  Which completely explains why I feel the little buggers' feet right below my ribcage at the moment. 


• They're being nice and using my lowest pregnancy weight as my starting weight.  (My lowest documented weight is 153 lbs, 9 lbs down from my starting weight.  Mr. W and I are sure that I lost more weight than that since I wasn't weighed again for 7 1/2 weeks.)  This still means that I'm behind on weight gain, though.  The practice did a study (based on someone else's study) and found that mother's of twins that gain 40 - 50 lbs have the healthiest pregnancies with the healthiest babies.  By 24 weeks I should have gained a total of 24 lbs.  At this last appointment, right over 18 weeks, I had only gained 8 1/2 lbs.  I have been asked to do my best to gain around 2 lbs a week for a little while.  This is a really hard thing for me right now due to my continuing nausea and also due to history of anorexia.  The thought of purposely gaining weight is just daunting.  I'm supposed to try protein shakes, smoothies with protein powder added in, and carnation instant breakfast with fruit and stuff added in.  She said my fairly high carb diet is OK, but that I've really got to try and get more protein in.  I think I'm going to buy a scale to help me keep track.


• I've been told that I'm not really on any restrictions per se, but they don't want me doing any more walking than I normally do throughout the day.  There goes my idea of going on walks with Mr. W if the nausea would ever calm down.  (Getting even slightly heated up makes the nausea much worse.)  I've also been told that I'm not allowed to vaccuum.  Something about the repetitive motion or something.  She told me to rest during the day (suuuureeee...my job would love that).  I explained that I usually come home from work and plant my ass on the couch because I'm wiped out.  She said that was fine.


• I got them to test my iron level to see if I need the supplements that they gave me.  I haven't been taking them because of the issues with my stomach and intestines and would like to continue not taking them unless they're necessary.  The midwife said she agreed and that if the test said I was fine then I didn't need to concern myself.  She seemed a little curious as to why I was on them in the first place since my original blood work was completely normal.  She also said they'd test me later on in the pregnancy, also.


• I'll be going in every two weeks with ultrasounds to check growth every 4 weeks.  At my next ultrasound they'll also do a more detailed heart scan on both of the boys since they'll be able to see better.

I'm really beginning to get excited!  I know that is probably hard to understand for a lot of people (that I haven't been really excited until now), but as miserably sick as I've been for so long...it gets really hard.  I have found myself sobbing on more than one occasion due to the nausea and vomiting.  But with furniture arriving, and the house getting finished, and seeing my boys on the screen...even the nausea can't take away those joys.  :-)

What a day!

I'm still excited that I ate out at an actual restaurant Friday night.  There was one shining moment from the entire dinner, though.  I walked back to the table and saw Mr. W grinning from ear to ear.  The following is a picture of the fortune that he slid across the table to me.

Awwwww (Be prepared to gag at the sappy-ness of this post)

Mr. W's been outside drinking with the neighbors (guys he works with) for a few hours.  And what does he run back in the house to get?  Another beer?  Check.  Some hot wings?  Check.  Ultrasound pictures so he can "brag"?  Check!  How freaking sweet!  He's as excited as I am and it makes me want to melt.  :-)

And that's just the tip of the iceberg for all of the awwwwww things he's been doing since we got the second positive HPT (the first was just so damn faint...and let's face it, we'd seen a positive stick before, but never one that got a lot darker).  All this time I thought he was a wonderful man because he has a good heart, he's smart, he can fix damn near anything, he has goals and dreams and works every day for them...etc.  Now I'm almost overwhelmed with the love that I feel for this man just because of the love that he's already showing for the lives we're working to bring into this world.

I'm still barely able to eat and quite unable to cook anything other than a baked potato (in the microwave).  Mr. W's response?  "What can I do for you sweetie?  Can I cook something for you?  Can I bring you some water?  Want me to fix your toenails (he's been begging me to take off the very old nail polish and repaint them, haha)?  I'm sorry I'm not done cleaning the living room.  I'll empty the dishwasher in a few minutes.  I love you."  Gives me an affectionate pat on the belly and a sweet grin as he walks off to either fill my any need/want or to continue working on the house.

I love this man.  <3

EXCELLENT NEWS!

Head on over to Farah's site and check out the wonderful news!  :-)