I screwed up. I had to google a condition so I could remember what it's called and now I'm filled with fear. At my growth scan yesterday they found that both of the boys are suddenly measuring about a week ahead, where they've been pretty much on target (give or take a day) since the beginning. Both boys also have hydramnios, excessive amniotic fluid. I really just wanted to remember the name of the condition but of course couldn't stop myself from reading the possible causes once the googling had been done. Twin to twin transfusion was long ago ruled out. Gestational diabetes was ruled out yesterday. Now the causes have left seem to be infections and chromosomal defects. Fuck I'm scared. But what's the chance they would both have the same infection or chromosomal disorder? They're most definitely fraternal (we finally got good face shots of Baby A and he has a lot of my features while Baby B has always had more of Mr. W's features).
Either way it goes, I'm hormonal as hell so I'm scared pretty easily right now. For example: after my braxton hicks started last week it seemed that I wasn't feeling Baby B too much. I silently freaked out for a week. Yesterdays scan it revealed that Baby B had flipped and is now breach. That explains why I didn't feel him as much. But today was my last day at work and Mr. W is going out of town with work for two weeks beginning tomorrow. I've got two weeks until my next scheduled appointment with my doctor. I don't think the rational part of my brain is going to be able to hold out against the hormonal irrational side for two weeks while sitting home by myself all day and all night. I'm going to email my midwife and find out what the next step is in this matter. I have the distinct feeling that she's going to tell me I need to wait until my next growth scan (3 weeks instead of 4) to see if the excessive fluid and sudden growth is more/less/no change.
Another, quite possibly irrational, fear that I have is that they've moved my growth scan up by a week is because they're comfortable delivering twins at 30 weeks. The comment was made to me that as long as they made it to 30 weeks then everything would be fine. By whose definition? Not by mine! Sure, they're chance is pretty good, but still. I'm worried that they're doing the scan at 30 weeks so if the condition hasn't improved or has worsened they can give me an amniocentesis without as much fear of preterm delivery killing the boys. Again, this is probably an irrational fear. A) The chance of my water breaking due to an amnio is not that high B) They probably moved my growth scan up to 30 weeks because of the fact that it's 30 weeks (instead of having it at 31 weeks). I mean, my last scan is supposed to be at 34 weeks because they figure that I'll go any time after that.
I love these little lives inside of me more than I thought that I ever would. I can't quit thinking about the what-ifs, but can't imagine my life without them. I need some peace and some serenity. If I can't get that, I guess I'll have to settle for some serious housecleaning and crocheting to preoccupy myself instead. :-)
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Ramblings and semi-updates
Sorry for being so MIA. I know been less than two weeks since I've posted, but I've barely been reading or commenting. I'm bad, I know.
Right now I feel like hibernating. I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months. I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal. I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.
I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well. The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits. She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much. She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed. I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats. Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult. Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.
I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position. They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse. This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible. I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B. She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary. She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section. I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks. That was honestly a relief. All in all it was a very good appointment.
I scheduled my birthing classes. Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class. I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November. I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.
Braxton Hicks suck. I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon. Then it kind of hit me. Duh. But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them. I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down. It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work. Apparently a desk job is just too much right now. Seriously? Yup, seriously. And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen). She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended. She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day. Um...does she have that option at her job? Really. Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work. I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes. At this point what can they say? You're fired...hahahahah! That would be hilarious, actually. I'd like to see them train my replacement.
Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene. Everything below the belly button looks shredded. Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children. He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back." Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back. I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it. I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless. Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.
Well, I've rambled enough. Now I'm going to go to bed. I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!
Right now I feel like hibernating. I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months. I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal. I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.
I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well. The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits. She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much. She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed. I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats. Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult. Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.
I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position. They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse. This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible. I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B. She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary. She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section. I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks. That was honestly a relief. All in all it was a very good appointment.
I scheduled my birthing classes. Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class. I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November. I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.
Braxton Hicks suck. I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon. Then it kind of hit me. Duh. But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them. I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down. It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work. Apparently a desk job is just too much right now. Seriously? Yup, seriously. And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen). She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended. She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day. Um...does she have that option at her job? Really. Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work. I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes. At this point what can they say? You're fired...hahahahah! That would be hilarious, actually. I'd like to see them train my replacement.
Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene. Everything below the belly button looks shredded. Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children. He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back." Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back. I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it. I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless. Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.
Well, I've rambled enough. Now I'm going to go to bed. I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I...We....I like...but...they said...
So I'm working on my register and I have no clue what to really put on it. Some things I've pushed to Mr. W for him to figure out (i.e. research). Others I'm trying to work on. But there are so many conflicting reviews on just about everything.
My main issue right now is bottles. I plan on breastfeeding and pumping (don't I have lofty dreams). Of course I'm aware that there's a possibility of formula feeding, and I'm fine with that. But what in the world do I put the milk in????? If any one has any suggestions I am soooo open right now. What has worked for you? What have you heard works? What did you read about that worked? And why or why not?
Thank you in advance!!!! :-)
My main issue right now is bottles. I plan on breastfeeding and pumping (don't I have lofty dreams). Of course I'm aware that there's a possibility of formula feeding, and I'm fine with that. But what in the world do I put the milk in????? If any one has any suggestions I am soooo open right now. What has worked for you? What have you heard works? What did you read about that worked? And why or why not?
Thank you in advance!!!! :-)
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Wherein Amanda learns a valuable lesson
I was slowly crossing the parking lot; quite cautiously heading towards my car. Suddenly one of my feet went the wrong direction. Before I knew it my left knee was hitting the ground followed by my ever increasing ass. My purse dropped into a puddle, where it remained for a few minutes. I heard a crowd of people ask, "Are you OK?" and "Is she OK?" I rolled over and sat on a curb until I could assess any damage. Sore knee? Check. Sore ass? Check, but not too bad. Any other injuries? Check, but only some muscle tightness up my right side and in my back.
I managed to crawl into a standing position and grabbed my now drenched purse from the puddle. I told the onlooking crowd of about eight people that I was fine. Then I limped away to my car.
What was the lesson I learned? Well, there were two. The lesson about human kind I learned is that when you look like you're almost full term with a baby you get a much larger reaction from the crowd if you fall. I can assure you that this was not the first time I've fallen in public, but it is the first time I've had more than one person ask me if I was OK (it was also the first time I didn't hear anyone laugh). The other lesson I learned, DO NOT WEAR FLIP-FLOPS OF ANY KIND IN THE DAMN RAIN!
I managed to crawl into a standing position and grabbed my now drenched purse from the puddle. I told the onlooking crowd of about eight people that I was fine. Then I limped away to my car.
What was the lesson I learned? Well, there were two. The lesson about human kind I learned is that when you look like you're almost full term with a baby you get a much larger reaction from the crowd if you fall. I can assure you that this was not the first time I've fallen in public, but it is the first time I've had more than one person ask me if I was OK (it was also the first time I didn't hear anyone laugh). The other lesson I learned, DO NOT WEAR FLIP-FLOPS OF ANY KIND IN THE DAMN RAIN!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
The Hurricane Follies (w/belly shot update)
Seriously. If the military can screw something simple up, they will. Mr. W's boss' wife called me yesterday (did you follow that?). In her voice mail she started out by telling me, "I just want you to know that Mr. W is fine! I know that you've probably got some messages from the guys at work, but he's fine." What's my first hormonal reaction? What-do-you-mean-he's-fine-why-wouldn't-he-be-fine-WHAT'S-WRONG-WHAT'S-GOING-ON-WHAT'S-WRONG-WITH-MY-HUSBAND?!?!?!!? He's out of the country right now, so there might have been some basis for my 10 second freak out. Then she continues with the message to talk about my "hurricane" plans and the options that she has for me.
After I get off of work I return her phone call, still curious about what she was talking about in regards to Mr. W. She tells me that he won't be home as expected (which wasn't until next week from what I thought) and that was all. The reason the guys he works with were calling was because a lot of them will have to work during the "hurricane" and they want to make sure that all of the wives have plans. Of course I have plans...I've lived here for more than 5 minutes, I have a permanent hurricane plan. Stay unless it's a category 3 or above. If it's a nasty one, I'll take my ass (and the respective asses of my 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 lord-how-am-i-gonna-travel-with-the-damn-beta-fish) northwest to my parents house in the mountains. That pretty much ends our conversation.
I arrive home and check the house phone...no messages and no missed calls. Strange. I thought she said they tried to call. Oh, well!
This morning I receive a frantic email from Mr. W, "Just wanted to write you and see if you are ok. Someone called from work and i didnt want to pick it up. If you do have a problem [Dumb] or [Dumber] has other ways of contacting me. I love and miss you." (Yes, this is frantic for my husband. Mr. I-do-not-email-unless-the-world-is-coming-down-around-us.)
Needless to say, I was pissed. Some moron he works with tried calling Mr. W's cell phone to get in touch with me. Hello?!?! Don't you jackasses remember you sent him out of the country?! And of course what's the first thought Mr. W would have if someone from work were trying to get in touch with him while he's gone on this trip and his wife is sitting at home 23 weeks pregnant with twins? Yeah, poor guy. I immediately emailed him and let him know that we were all fine and that they were just making sure I had a hurricane plan. Then I called one of his bosses and let them know that they had called the wrong damn person and freaked him out...now please write down the right damn number and call the right person in the future. (yes, it was pretty much worded like that, give or take)
Mr. W sent this response, "I'm soooo glad that you are ok. It made me worry when i got that call. I hope im home on time or soon after. I love and miss you bunches and bunches."
I love that man. :-) His co-workers...not so much. :-|
And here's an updated belly shot. I really need to get a haircut and quit taking my picture in the green room with the fluorescent lighting. Ugh.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="302" caption="23 Weeks 2 Days"]
[/caption]
After I get off of work I return her phone call, still curious about what she was talking about in regards to Mr. W. She tells me that he won't be home as expected (which wasn't until next week from what I thought) and that was all. The reason the guys he works with were calling was because a lot of them will have to work during the "hurricane" and they want to make sure that all of the wives have plans. Of course I have plans...I've lived here for more than 5 minutes, I have a permanent hurricane plan. Stay unless it's a category 3 or above. If it's a nasty one, I'll take my ass (and the respective asses of my 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 lord-how-am-i-gonna-travel-with-the-damn-beta-fish) northwest to my parents house in the mountains. That pretty much ends our conversation.
I arrive home and check the house phone...no messages and no missed calls. Strange. I thought she said they tried to call. Oh, well!
This morning I receive a frantic email from Mr. W, "Just wanted to write you and see if you are ok. Someone called from work and i didnt want to pick it up. If you do have a problem [Dumb] or [Dumber] has other ways of contacting me. I love and miss you." (Yes, this is frantic for my husband. Mr. I-do-not-email-unless-the-world-is-coming-down-around-us.)
Needless to say, I was pissed. Some moron he works with tried calling Mr. W's cell phone to get in touch with me. Hello?!?! Don't you jackasses remember you sent him out of the country?! And of course what's the first thought Mr. W would have if someone from work were trying to get in touch with him while he's gone on this trip and his wife is sitting at home 23 weeks pregnant with twins? Yeah, poor guy. I immediately emailed him and let him know that we were all fine and that they were just making sure I had a hurricane plan. Then I called one of his bosses and let them know that they had called the wrong damn person and freaked him out...now please write down the right damn number and call the right person in the future. (yes, it was pretty much worded like that, give or take)
Mr. W sent this response, "I'm soooo glad that you are ok. It made me worry when i got that call. I hope im home on time or soon after. I love and miss you bunches and bunches."
I love that man. :-) His co-workers...not so much. :-|
And here's an updated belly shot. I really need to get a haircut and quit taking my picture in the green room with the fluorescent lighting. Ugh.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="302" caption="23 Weeks 2 Days"]
[/caption]
Monday, September 1, 2008
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Shit. The crying crap is here. For the past few days I've been soooo emotional. I'd heard about it, but not really experienced it. Now just about every post I read, every show I watch, every thought I have makes me want to sob. I don't like this.
Then there's the fact that I realized we've only got 3 or so months left to get our shit together. Mr. W is on a trip right now (will be home in 1-2 weeks) and has another one to go on the end of this month (1-2 weeks gone). Luckily we're having the carpet upstairs installed about a week or so after he gets back from this first trip. Unfortunately we're going to have to wait until he gets back from the next trip to install the Pergo downstairs. This sucks, but when Mr. W went to move the water heater to tear up the floor beneath it he realized that it was about to rust through, so he bought and installed a new tank-less water heater. YAY!!!!! As great as this new purchase was, it was not a planned one so the new floor has to wait a little longer. Boooo!!!!! So now our final deadline to have the house finished (except for touch-ups and bathroom accessories) is October 31. BUT...as soon as the carpet is installed upstairs we'll move back into the master bedroom, put the regular furniture back into the guest bedroom, and most importantly the nursery will be put together!!!!
Now I'm really beginning to stress about the financial burden of being a SAHM. I've been employed since I was 18. I've contributed to the household income since we moved in together. Mr. W is positive that everything will be OK. I have faith in his financial abilities. I commented to him that if things got too tight then we could put the boys in the base daycare (wonderful daycare!) and I could go back to work. His response was an adamant "NO" and that he'd get a second job. That makes me want to cry (sadness at the thought of it and emotional due to the sweetness of the comment).
Then there's the conversation we had about the MIL. She plans on coming into town for the birth. That's fine, as long as she's aware that she'll be out in the waiting room. But now Mr. W thinks that his Mom is going to stay with us while she's here. Um...NO! He has known since we first started talking about babies that my Mom would come stay with us for the week after the baby was born. Who really wants their MIL in the house the week after they come home, anyway? (and for those of you that do, I admire that!) I think we finally have it worked out that his Mom will only be here for a couple of days so she can stay at our house while I'm in the hospital, but once I'm home she has to go. I know I sound like the biggest bitch, but come on! My Mom has squatter's rights. She gave birth to me, I'm giving birth to these boys...I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
And last but not least, I have marshmallow feet. They. Look. Hideous. I'm 23 weeks today and I haven't been able to get the swelling to go down (hands are pretty damned puffy, too) since it started yesterday morning. I tried sitting in the recliner with them propped up, but my back started hurting so badly that i couldn't do that. Sitting on the couch with them propped up hasn't done anything. I've been downing tons of water to no avail. I'm guessing this is just something that I'm going to have to deal with for the next 13 + weeks. For your viewing pleasure, I'm adding a pic. Please forgive the craptastic-ness of this pic, but Mr. W has my camera so I'm stuck using my phone. (and notice the plywood floor, that's my whole house right now until we get the new flooring down.) For the record, I normally have bony feet and ankles (and my toes are quite long).
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="320" caption="Stay-Puff Feet & Cankles"]
[/caption]
Then there's the fact that I realized we've only got 3 or so months left to get our shit together. Mr. W is on a trip right now (will be home in 1-2 weeks) and has another one to go on the end of this month (1-2 weeks gone). Luckily we're having the carpet upstairs installed about a week or so after he gets back from this first trip. Unfortunately we're going to have to wait until he gets back from the next trip to install the Pergo downstairs. This sucks, but when Mr. W went to move the water heater to tear up the floor beneath it he realized that it was about to rust through, so he bought and installed a new tank-less water heater. YAY!!!!! As great as this new purchase was, it was not a planned one so the new floor has to wait a little longer. Boooo!!!!! So now our final deadline to have the house finished (except for touch-ups and bathroom accessories) is October 31. BUT...as soon as the carpet is installed upstairs we'll move back into the master bedroom, put the regular furniture back into the guest bedroom, and most importantly the nursery will be put together!!!!
Now I'm really beginning to stress about the financial burden of being a SAHM. I've been employed since I was 18. I've contributed to the household income since we moved in together. Mr. W is positive that everything will be OK. I have faith in his financial abilities. I commented to him that if things got too tight then we could put the boys in the base daycare (wonderful daycare!) and I could go back to work. His response was an adamant "NO" and that he'd get a second job. That makes me want to cry (sadness at the thought of it and emotional due to the sweetness of the comment).
Then there's the conversation we had about the MIL. She plans on coming into town for the birth. That's fine, as long as she's aware that she'll be out in the waiting room. But now Mr. W thinks that his Mom is going to stay with us while she's here. Um...NO! He has known since we first started talking about babies that my Mom would come stay with us for the week after the baby was born. Who really wants their MIL in the house the week after they come home, anyway? (and for those of you that do, I admire that!) I think we finally have it worked out that his Mom will only be here for a couple of days so she can stay at our house while I'm in the hospital, but once I'm home she has to go. I know I sound like the biggest bitch, but come on! My Mom has squatter's rights. She gave birth to me, I'm giving birth to these boys...I WANT MY MOMMY!!!
And last but not least, I have marshmallow feet. They. Look. Hideous. I'm 23 weeks today and I haven't been able to get the swelling to go down (hands are pretty damned puffy, too) since it started yesterday morning. I tried sitting in the recliner with them propped up, but my back started hurting so badly that i couldn't do that. Sitting on the couch with them propped up hasn't done anything. I've been downing tons of water to no avail. I'm guessing this is just something that I'm going to have to deal with for the next 13 + weeks. For your viewing pleasure, I'm adding a pic. Please forgive the craptastic-ness of this pic, but Mr. W has my camera so I'm stuck using my phone. (and notice the plywood floor, that's my whole house right now until we get the new flooring down.) For the record, I normally have bony feet and ankles (and my toes are quite long).
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="320" caption="Stay-Puff Feet & Cankles"]
[/caption]
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