So why are you so upset??

 I had my 32 week OB appointment today. Everything went really well and fairly quickly! I had a growth scan due to my mutated body prothrombin thingy. Aedan is measuring in the 81st percentile and weighs approximately 5lb 7oz. Holy big baby! His fluid is also measuring right at the top of the scale for being OK. The not-so-great news is that he seems to be retaining fluid in his right kidney. It's nothing serious at this point, and probably will never be anything serious, but MFM doc wants to keep an eye on it. It's not as serious as hydronephrosis, but I can't remember what exactly he called it (It's called mild pyelectasis. Thank you Stacie!). He said it's very common in boys and they usually outgrow it as infants. It has something to do with the way their urethra is kinked due to having a penis and due to the kidney being immature. He's 1/10th a centimeter on the bad side of the measurement they took.

I'm honestly not worried about his kidney or fluid or anything else. I am pretty upset, though. HE'S NOT GOING TO FIT IN ALL HIS CUTE LITTLE NEWBORN THINGS I'VE MADE AND HAD MADE FOR HIM!!!! I know. Woe is me. I find it so ironic that I had almost no newborn size clothing for Jack & Trip (I swear I just didn't know there was a difference between 0-3 months & newborn) and their clothes were swimming on them. Now I have all sorts of newborn items, and it looks like I'm going to have a 0-3 month sized kid. I'm not really upset. I have time to order him a new onesie to wear home, but with the swelling starting, I won't be able to make him a new sweater. :( Oh well. I'm just happy he's doing so well!

And for the billion and ten people that feel the need to tell me I'm huge and joke about carrying more than one and ask if I'm due any day...HE'S A BIG BABY SO STFU! NO ONE enjoys being told they're huge.

So who'd like to see pictures of the chunky monkey? I swear you could see how chubby his cheeks were in the 2D shots, even!

Chubby Cheeks

That's his foot flat on his forehead

I promise I still have another post or two coming. I haven't forgotten about them!

:-)

I'm still here and doing well! The vomiting has slowed down considerably. Of course, now that I've said that I'll spend 1/2 my day puking tomorrow. Whatever, I'll take it for the good days that come between! I've so much more energy than I ever remember having while pregnant with the boys...of course that was a twin pregnancy. I'm also nesting so much I can barely stand myself. I want the nursery set up YESTERDAY! I'm also ready to kill Tim for not picking up after himself better. Yes, he vacuums (once in a while) and sweeps, but that does not make up for leaving his crap laying around. At least the boys have begun helping pick their stuff up!

Speaking of boys...we have confirmation that Thumper is indeed a little boy! The ultrasound technician threw me for a loop by referring to Thumper as a girl throughout the scan and not checking the gender until almost the end. She explained that she thought we told her we had been told earlier we were having a girl. *roll eyes* Thumper is most definitely a boy, though. He's also feisty! He's feistier than Trip ever was, and he's a handful. I'm definitely going to be kept on my toes with these three!!

I cannot believe my little boys turned two years old already. They're getting so big and learning so much! Jack can count to 13, sing his ABCs, and recognizes almost every letter in the alphabet and numbers up to 12. He knows a few of his shapes and is working on his colors. Trip, on the other hand, can climb anything he wants to and go anywhere he pleases. He follows me everywehre and always wants to "hep" me. He is so very social and says "Hey!" or "Hellllo!" to almost everyone that crosses his path. They are both so unique and so full of personality!!! Every day brings new challenges and new blessings.

I had so much more to say before I actually started this post, but as usual it's gone, now. I'll leave you with a video of Trip "helping" Jack and a few pics of all of my boys!

Thumper @ 20 weeks

My two reindeer

Jack LOVES cake!

"Cheese"

My little superman

Big grin

Blog? What blog?

Ohhhhh....This blog!

I'm so sorry I've been a slacker. I could give you tons of excuses, but they're just that. I have been pretty under the weather for a while, but I finally took the jump and decided to blog. So here goes!

• Everything is fine with Thumper as of my last u/s October 25. He was so active it was almost surreal! Yeah, you read that right, HE! I had my NT scan on the 22nd and the tech guessed it was probably a boy due to having too much stuff between the legs to be a girl. I had another free scan on the 25th (love it that MUSC is so big into studies, there's always someone that needs to get certified for something) and the tech agrees with that probability.
• Yes, I would have loved a girl, but I'm equally excited for another boy. I know what a joy they are. Plus, he's healthy, that was my biggest desire!!
• Hyperemesis is the devil. I had started feeling a little bit better, but then it all went to hell. The vomiting became so violent that it was freaking me out, hurting me, and causing blood vessels to burst in my face. (let me tell you how beautiful my complexion is right now.) My doctor prescribed Reglan for me with the warning that it could increase my anxiety or depression symptoms. 24 hours after starting it I was vowing to never take another one ever again due to the panic attacks. Luckily a little over 24 hours and I'm almost completely back to "normal".
• My psychiatrist tweaked my meds a little and I finally feel like my old self, again! Hooray!!!
• Does anyone have any advice for night sweats? I've been having them since almost 8 weeks. They're wreaking havoc on my sleep!!!
• Thank God Tim's mouth is almost completely healed!!! Within a few days you could see a noticeable difference in the discolored tissue. Almost a month later there is ZERO discoloration and only two small patches where the tissue isn't smooth, yet. He's planning on giving it a few more months then he'll schedule an appointment to have everything checked out. I mean it, Thank you God! And thank you to everyone who offered prayers and thoughts for him!!
• They only sent Tim out of town for 4 (I think) days. It was exhausting, but my HG was lighter than it is now, so everything went smoothly. He even came home to a clean house!
• Charleston seems to have forgotten there's a season between Summer and Winter. It also seems to think the seasons are supposed to mix on the same day. The other night it was 33 degrees at night and 75 the following afternoon. Get with it weather!
• I've been horrible with reading blogs, so please tell me what I've missed!

Thank you so much to everyone that has contacted me to check on me! I appreciate the love & support!!!

And because I can't mention I've had two ultrasounds and not share at least one picture...

Profile

4d missing the top of his head...creeeepy!

All is well

Well, for the most part all is well. We have a heartbeat!

Introducing "Thumper"

Blob being measured = Baby

Tim picked the nickname. He said as soon as the picture came up on the screen all he could see "was that heart thumping away".

My appointment today went really really well. I go back in 2 weeks for a re-check due to my anxiety then 3 weeks later for my 1st trimester screening. The doctor was very pleased with all the measurements and with how I looked.

For those of you that aren't on Twitter, yesterday was a crisis day for me emotionally. The anxiety has reached a level I can't deal with alone. Tim was (still is) my night in shining armor and got me an appointment with a doc and therapist on base. Unfortunately there wasn't much they could do to help, but they did make it plainly clear that I need help with the boys right now. I'm unable to to function without vomiting, I can't fix food, I can't stand any smells...I can't function. I'm not supposed to be using the term "can't" and am supposed to be saying, "it's hard to", but right now it's can't.  The anxiety isn't omg-is-my-baby-ok anxiety. It isn't omg-how-am-I-going-to-take-care-of-3-children anxiety. It's hormones-are-flooding-my-system-and-my-brain-isn't-coping-well-with-them anxiety.

So as of today I'm on Zoloft. I'm praying the medicine helps because I don't know what to do if it doesn't. For this week Tim is off work to take care of the boys and me. Next week my Mom is taking off work to come take care of the boys and me. The doctor and therapist were crystal clear about the need to get this anxiety under control before I end up hospitalized...so we're working on it. Seeing a heartbeat today did seem to help a tiny bit. It's completely gotten rid of the thoughts I'd been having of not wanting to see a heartbeat. Knowing that my OB is taking my anxiety seriously has helped a tiny bit, too. Knowing Tim is here to step up to the plate (and is completely rocking his temporary position as SAHD) has helped. Knowing my Mom (MOMMY!!!) is coming Sunday has helped, too.

Another help I've had?  The love and support I've received here and on Twitter. You guys are absolutely amazing!!! I honestly expected some back-lash on my last post and was so pleasantly surprised with the love and support I received instead.

I've also contacted the local support group for www.postpartum.net. I never knew before how common depression and anxiety are during pregnancy. I also never knew that the same people who give you support for PPD can help you through depression/anxiety during pregnancy.

I so badly want to love where I am right now. I want to be better. I want to be me again. I want to be the mother I know I am. I want to be the wife I know I am. I am getting help.

Not quite as I had planned - updated with pic

I had my first OB appointment and real ultrasound for this pregnancy today.  I am currently 7w6d.  The Nugget is only measuring 5w6d and the heartbeat is too weak to measure (for the record, at 5w6d a too weak to measure heartbeat is perfectly fine).  Two weeks behind. This is not good.

The very cheery ultrasound tech informs me that I must have my dates wrong.  I am pretty damn sure my dates are fine; it's the baby that's not.  For the baby to be OK I would have to have conceived right around 12/10...you know...the day I had a beta of 68.  Pretty sure that didn't happen.  She was cheery and positive nonetheless. I appreciate her optimism.  I honestly do.

The doctor was a bit more realistic.  He didn't schedule me for another OB appointment, just another ultrasound.  He wanted to wait two weeks, but Tim will be out of the country in two weeks. I cannot go to my next ultrasound without him.  He also mentioned the yolk sac size vs the embryo size and used the lovely word "chromosomal".  Yeah...large sac small baby...genetically not right, I get it.

So for now I sit and wait for a miracle.  I'm not very good at waiting or at optimism.  I'm a realistic type of person.  Tim is being wayyyy optimistic and I'm trying to not crush his spirit.  I'd really like to go ahead and see if my Mom can come into town in two weeks so I can have someone here to let me be a big baby if I have to get a D&C.

The worst part?  Seeing that little flickering heart.  She let us look at it for a couple of minutes...it was both beautiful and heartbreaking.  I think I would have rather not seen a heartbeat at all.  She also gave us a picture.  Proof that my Nugget was here.

But I am still grateful for things.  I'm grateful that after this horrible day I still have to beautiful little ones to come home to.  I'm grateful to have a husband that is so supportive and hopeful.  I'm grateful that this happened after I had my boys instead of before.  I had a moment in 5 Guys (burger joint) after the appointment where I heard a little baby and turned around to see a beautiful little girl in a carrier.  I almost cried until it hit me like a brick that whether or not I get to keep this baby, I still have my boys.  Thank you God!  (don't get me wrong, this hurts like hell and I'd love to curl into a ball and sob, but it IS easier at this point than my first loss.)

So, if you pray, please pray for my Nugget.  If you don't pray, I could still use all the good thoughts and well wishes you would be willing to give.

[caption id="attachment_1345" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Nugget at 7w6d Measuring 5w6d - Sorry for the blurriness, she had to zoom in majorly to get the shot."][/caption]

Danifred could also use some love right now.  She went in for an ultrasound only to find out the baby had quit growing.

Ultrasound and Appointment

The fetal echo went wonderfully!  According to the technician both boys' hearts look "beautiful".  Hooray!  They're each measuring a day ahead and weigh approximately 1 lb 2 oz.  They fought almost the entire time so it was amazing she could even get the shots she needed.  She was about to get a great shot of Baby B when suddenly a forearm came across his head quickly followed by an elbow.  Hahaha!

My cervix is holding up like a champ!  It measured an average of 5.3 cm in length.  That made me as happy as knowing how great the boys are doing.  :-)

Now about my weight.  Ugh.  The nurse seriously thought she had the wrong chart when I stepped on the scale.  I gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks.  WTF???  I guess it's all those potato chips, mashed potatoes, and Chex mix I've been eating.  They told me to cut back on the crap and add more protein.  Of course I'm still nauseous and meat is just about my biggest turn-off.  Once again they told me to drink Carnation Instant Breakfast.  I think I'll stick with my Zone bars.  130 calories and 5 grams of protein for the Carnation or 220 calories and 14 grams of protein for the Zone bars.  The bars make more sense to me!

Then the doctor told me that I need to wean off of the Zofran.  Umm...why?  He figures (and this is the first time I've seen this guy) that since I'm gaining weight, there's no  need for the medicine.  Um...I'm gaining because snacking on salty foods non-stop keeps the nausea at bay!  I'm gaining because the Zofran keeps me from vomitting!  I told him I'd work on it.  He asked if I'd ever skipped a dose and I informed that I'd done it by accident once or twice and regretted it.  He still wants me to give it up.  Luckily the other guy there (for all of the seasons of Grey's Anatomy that I've watched I can't remember what this guy's position is...he's still learning, but he's a doctor)(googled it and figured it out...he was a "fellow".  there was also a resident in the room.) wrote me another prescription with two refills.  Yay for the good doc!  Boo bad doc (who, by the way, needs to lay off of the carbs himself). 

The one good thing the doctor told me was that with my excellent cervical length my chances of delivering earlier than desired are down to 1-2%.  I said, "My cervix rocks!" and all three of the doctors in my exam room looked at me like I was crazy.  Seriously...my cervix does rock.  ;-)

 

So now I've got some funny pregnancy things to share. 

• My hair & eyebrows have gotten redder


• My eyelashes have gotten lighter


• The hair on my legs is growing slower and not as thick

Thank you all so much for all the support on my last post!!!  <3

 

I'll close this post with a picture of the boys plotting:

The best birthday a girl could have!

OUR BOYS!!!!

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[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="640" caption="See-no-evil and Hear-no-evil"][/caption]

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I'm outta there!

No more Naval Hospital for me!  Woo Hoo!  They decided to transfer me to MUSC.  This makes me soooo happy.  They have (what I understand to be) a great prenatal program.  They also have a multiple program and the best NICU in the area!  I am so excited to get started there!

The Naval Hospital did accomodate me for an ultrasound yesterday.  Both babies look perfect!  Baby A was hard to get any sort of reads on, though.  S/he would NOT stay still.  I blame it on the Yoohoo I had on the way there.  (oops...haha)  It was so amazing to see them moving around, though.  Both heartbeats were about 167 bpm.  And although I think the OWTs say that would mean girls, I'm still thinking at least one of them is a boy.  And I'll think what I want to!  ;-)

Pics

I finally updated this post with my 8 week u/s pic.

And now I present my little 9 week 6 day belly:

the end and the beginning

Today would have been my EDD for my first pregnancy (had it not gone all ectopic and what-not).  Now I close a chapter in my book.  This chapter didn't end with a THB. 

Today I began a new chapter in my book.  Today I got to hear my babies heartbeats.  :-D  It was completely surreal and beautiful.  Baby A measured 8w1d with a heart rate of 170 bpm.  Baby B measured 8w1d with a heart rate of 167 bmp.  They are doing wonderfully!

There is a small bleed right above my cervix (which explains the bright red spotting I had Friday), but the doc isn't too concerned about it.  She said it's quite common and should clear up on its own.  Of course the only reason I'm so calm about it is because I haven't seen anymore red.

The nausea is under control (for the most part) so I'm attempting to go back to work tomorrow.  I'm not excited to go back to work, but I am excited to rejoin the world of the living.

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary.  I cannot believe that I am married to the man of my dreams (lets be honest, I couldn't have even dreamed up a guy this good) and am pregnant with his children.  This is bliss!

i lied yesterday

Vomiting 1/2 a dozen times a day isn't really any better than vomiting a dozen times a day. 

Official diagnosis:  Hyperemesis Gravidarum.

The Zofran hasn't really done much, so I had Mr. W call the doc's office this morning.  He explained how little I'd kept down over the past two weeks and how utterly miserable I am.  They brought me in a couple of hours later.

1st things 1st...the twins are alive and...well...not kicking, but you know...and making their Daddy proud.  They've caught up and were both measuring 7w1d (Mr. W swears the doc said one measured 7w4d).  Their really pissing their Mommy off, though.  OK, I'm very happy their doing so well, but they need to give me a break.

After a nice chat with a doc I've never met, I got an IV and a litre of saline.  It honestly did nothing to help my stomach as I still had to run to the bathroom on my way out of the office.  She also wrote me a referral for a Reglan pump and a port so I can get fluids (that's what I got from it, but I'll find out more when I get the call about it).  I just read a story about someone who could actually eat after this and it makes me literally sob with hope and possibility that I might be able to eat soon. 

I'm sorry that all my posts are so negative and I'm so down, but I literally can't get up off of the couch without vomiting.  I'm terrified that I'm doing harm to my babies and my anxiety is through the roof.  Even with the doctor's assurances that the babies will be fine, the anxiety is still here.

Mr. W gets my vote for best husband in the world.  Not only is he waiting on me hand and foot, but he's running to as many stores as it takes to get anything we can think of that I might be able to keep down.  He even went to more than one pharmacy to find some sea-bands for me.  (We'll see if they work.  Right now they're simply making the veins in my wrist stick out.)

Oh, and Mr. W gave the doc a first today.  He told the doc that I kept him up last night.  Even while I was sleeping I was gagging.  Every hour on the hour according to him.

updated

TWINS!!!!!!

Mike & Ike (even though I'll be honest and admit I have a preference for boy/girl twins).

I currently have a total of 3 hearts beating inside of me body.  Mr. W and I both cried.

The little sac that was completely written off at the last u/s (the one above the clearly visible sac) is now quite visible and contains a little creature measuring 5w5d with a little fluttering heartbeat.  The dominant sac contains a little creature measuring 5w6d with a little fluttering heartbeat.

I go back in two weeks for another scan.
you can click on the pics to make them larger

Sorry for the delay

The slave drivers bosses haven't given me enough time to breathe, much less blog.  But here we go!

The appointment went really well.  There is one definite sac measure about 5 weeks (I'm 5w3d).  After telling the doc that I ovulated a few days late, she's not worried.  She did scare the crap out of Mr. W when she mentioned her fear at not seeing anything in the sac, yet.  Luckily that all got cleared up before we left. 

There were other sacs present.  There is one just above my good one that's really small...no hope for that one.  Then there's one on the right that Mr. W swore looked almost as big as my main one at a different angle.  Either way I've got one good sac, and that's what matters.

I go back in Tuesday morning to verify that something is growing in the sac.  The doc says she's positive that it isn't ectopic, but can't rule it out until she sees something growing in the sac.

Of course now she has me concerned about a blighted ovum.  But I'm thinking happy thoughts!

Thank you all soooo much for your good thoughts, prayers, and well wishes!  You guys just plain ROCK!

Now I've got 5 more sleeps until my next ultrasound!!!  :-)