This says it all

 

I AM HUNGRY!!!

Update

Jury duty is done!!!!  By the end of my second day on jury duty, the parties settled.  Thank you!!!  It was so frustrating having groups of people bickering, wanting my eventual opinion, but not allowing me to ask questions or jump in on the arguing.  Grrrrrrrrrrr

Now I've got 115 blogs to read (that's after I've read at least 50).  Please forgive me if I don't comment or miss something important.  I still really do care!  <3

As far as W.W. goes, I've had a slight setback.  It was too inconvenient to stick to my diet while I was serving jury duty.  Since I was having to travel an hour away to a tiny little town every day, I would have had to pack a cooler with food and trust that it would keep it at a healthy temperature.  I couldn't do it.  So I have not lost any weight this week.  But I also haven't gained, so that rocks!

My cycle is proceeding as predicted in my fat lady post.  It's CD18 and it's looking pretty bleak.  But life goes on and so will I.

On a funny note, Mr. W is so annoyed with all of the "stuff" around our house;  He has decided that he wants to throw everything away.  We're getting really close to completing the remodel of our house and he wants to start fresh once we're done.  By "stuff" I mean, picture frames, dog grooming brushes/combs/clippers, earphones, candles, etc.  I seriously have a hard time not laughing at him (because he's serious).  I'm pretty sure that I am married to the most melodramatic heterosexual male that does not act for a living.  Hahaha!

Jury Duty

I'm going to pretty much be MIA all week.  I'm stuck in the jury box for what looks to be the entire week.  And to make it even more fun than it already is, It's a minimum of an hour drive.  I'll miss you guys!

I know the fat lady has not sung

But I hear her warming up.

It's CD15 and there's not so much as a glimmer of a high reading on my CBEFM. 

Even though last month was anovulatory, at least I know my ovaries were trying.  Beginning around CD11 or 12 I got high readings.  The month before I had high readings beginning somewhere around the same time and I got a peak reading on CD17.  July, August, and September I ovulated on CD15 (at least that's when I got my LH surge) according to my OPKs. 

I have 5 more days left before hope gets kicked out the door.  If nothing has shown up on the monitor or the OPK strips (I'm using those in the afternoon), then I'll call the doctor and demand the testing that I should have demanded a long time ago.  It looks like I'll finally be taking some sort of action. 

I cried in the bathroom at church today when it hit me that this was my last month of all natural trying.  I know the next step will probably only entail a lot of tests and Clomid, but that's more than I was ready for.  Maybe that's why I've waited so long to make the call.

5 more days.  I'd really like a miracle, now, thank you.

a couple of questions

Is Zoloft safe to take during pregnancy? 

It seems that I've read that at least a few of you lovely pregnant ladies out there are on it.  I would love to know that there is something I can take.  I was on Zoloft for quite a while, but the doc said I needed an upgrade so I switched to The Devil (Effexor).  The Devil is not fetus-friendly, so that didn't last.  Since May I haven't been taking anything except for the tinniest amount of Xanax right after my BCMEP.  I think my sanity is wearing thin at this point.

Since I took Provera to bring on AF, but AF started on day 9 of taking the meds instead of waiting until the proper amount of time had passed after taking the meds...is it possible that I'm PMS-ing?  (how's that for a poorly structured sentence) 

It's only CD 13 and I am an emotional mess.  It started yesterday and has only gotten worse.  This could directly relate to question number one.  Hormones really suck.  Of course this could also be related to the fact that my evil drug addicted lovely brothers-in-law are coming to torture and drive me insane visit this weekend.  I've actually told Mr. W in a very matter of fact way that if they start to annoy me too much, I'm staying with my sister the rest of the weekend.

On that note; Mr. W reminded me that Bacardi Silver and Diet Coke is supposed to be low cal (possibly zero calories).  He's promised to pick up a bottle of Bacardi for me.  Maybe this weekend will be livable after all.  How early is too early for a rum and coke on Saturday?  Hee hee hee...

crap

While reading a blog (and enjoying the reading except for that split moment) I had a thought and a moment that made me want to cry and vomit at the same time.  It actually brought tears to my eyes. 

In 16 weeks (give or take) I will begin seeing something that, although it is beautiful and I am ecstatic for them, will hurt me beyond words.  The women due around the same time as I would have been will be giving birth.  I will not be.  I hope and pray that I will be pregnant and have seen a heartbeat by that time.

Please don't take it personally if, when this time comes, I'm not quick to comment.  Please know that I am thinking of you and so very happy for you.  I may just need time to grieve.

My Record!!

I saw this on Niobe's page and thought it would be fun! 

1. Click on this link. The title of the page is the name of your band.

2. Click on this link.
The last four words of the final quotation on the page are the title of your album.

3. Click on this link.
The third picture is your album cover.

4. Take the pic, add your band name and album title and voilà!





Have some fun!  And if you post is, comment your link to me!

Can't wait to shower!

Mr. W rocks!  Check out all the hard work he's been doing on our guest bathroom.  I'll update once we get the new floor, vanity, toilet, mirror, and all that other junk in!

[rockyou id=99838169&w=426&h=319] 
see slide show above (does not show in Go.ogle reader)

But he did manage to knock over a full bucket of water in the bathroom and completely ceiling of the room below (the dining room).  It was not even remotely funny to see the water pouring out of the (new) ceiling fan.  At least there was only minimal damage to the ceiling!

Oh yeah!

I'm doing the happy dance!  I weighed in today and was very happy to see the results.  I've lost 3 pounds in the past week.  Hooray!!!  I told myself that I would be happy with 2...I'm even happier with 3!!!

This makes a total of 4.4 pounds lost in the past two weeks.  Only 15.8 more pounds to go.

I thought I'd post the graph showing how my weight has fluctuated since April 2007.  That's when I started WW for the first time.  I stopped WW when I stopped logging.  At least I never got completely back to my pre-WW weight.

My Weight Chart:


It's kind of funny to me that my "goal" weight is 40 pounds above what I weighed when I was 18.  It's 25 pounds above what I weighed when I met Mr. W.  But my goal weight is where I will be healthy and will look really good.

dark thoughts

After lunch today, while reading a book, the thought of bulimia crossed my mind.  It had been mentioned in the book (not a significant part, just a minor mention).  The thought was so tempting...tantalizing...

As much as I love food, I hate it.  The anorexic in me...there's no point in even finishing that sentence.  I do my best to get rid of those thoughts when they work their way into my conscious thinking.  Sigh.

Beef Fried Rice

Beef Fried Rice

POINTS® Value: 4
Servings:  4

Preparation Time:  5 min
Cooking Time:  10 min
Level of Difficulty:  Easy

Ingredients

• 3 scallions, thinly sliced


• 1 Tbsp fresh ginger root, peeled and minced


• 1/2 pound extra lean ground beef (5% fat or less)


• 1 tsp five-spice powder


• 1 10 oz package frozen mixed vegetables, preferably an Asian mixture, thawed


• 2 cup cooked brown rice


• 1 Tbsp low-sodium soy sauce


• 2 tsp hoisin sauce


• 2 tsp Asian red chile sauce

Instructions

1. 
   
   Spray a large nonstick wok or high-sided nonstick skillet with nonstick spray and set over high heat. Add the scallions, ginger, and garlic; stir-fry until softened, about 1 minute. Add the ground beef and cook, breaking it apart with a wooden spoon, until browned, about 3 minutes.
   
   


2. 
   
   Add the five-spice powder and cook until fragrant, 20 seconds. Add the mixed vegetables and stir-fry 2 minutes.
   
   


3. 
   
   Add the brown rice and stir-fry 2 minutes. Stir in the soy sauce, hoison sauce, and chile sauce. Stir-fry until heated through, about 1 minute.
   
   

Rollin' in the...

Well, it ain't dough, but it sure feels like it!

As promised, here are my "before" pics.  This is at 163.8 lbs (74.45 kilos).  My goal is to get down to 145 (about 66 kilos).  I am currently in a size 14.








And here's how I looked less than 5 years ago.







You can click on any of the pictures to view them in a larger size.

***FOR THE RECORD***

I am very aware that I was too thin in my old pictures.  I am anorexic (I say am because I feel it's something that doesn't just because you're able to gain weight) and was suffering with it when those pictures were taken.

Baked Potato Soup

Baked Potato Soup

POINTS® Value: 5
Servings:  6
Preparation Time:  15 min
Cooking Time:  70 min
Level of Difficulty:  Moderate
 
This satisfying soup replicates the great flavor of a baked potato topped with the works except we've used healthier toppings like turkey bacon and reduced-fat versions of sour cream and cheese.

Ingredients

• 1 bulb garlic clove(s), large, 1/4-inch-slice cut off top


• 3 pound potato(es), rinsed, pierced with a fork (about 6 large baking potatoes)


• 6 slice uncooked turkey bacon


• 4 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth


• 1 1/2 Tbsp thyme, fresh, chopped


• 1/2 tsp table salt


• 1/4 tsp black pepper, freshly ground


• 6 Tbsp reduced-fat sour cream


• 6 Tbsp low-fat shredded cheddar cheese


• 6 Tbsp scallion(s), sliced

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 400ºF. Wrap entire garlic bulb tightly in foil; place garlic and potatoes in oven. (You do not need to put them on a pan; they can go right on an oven rack.)


• Bake garlic until soft when squeezed, about 45 minutes; remove from oven and let cool. Continue baking potatoes until tender when pierced, about 15 minutes more; let potatoes stand until cool enough to handle.


• Meanwhile, cook bacon in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until browned, about 6 minutes. Place bacon on paper towels to drain off any fat; chop bacon.


• Unwrap garlic and squeeze pulp from bulb with hands into a large saucepan. Peel potatoes and add to saucepan; mash with a potato masher until smooth. Gradually stir in broth, thyme, salt and pepper until blended; place saucepan over medium heat and cook until hot, stirring occasionally, about 5 to 10 minutes.


• Spoon about 1 1/3 cups of soup into each of 6 soup bowls. Top each with 1 tablespoon of sour cream, 1 tablespoon of cheese, 1 rounded tablespoon of bacon and 1 tablespoon of scallions. Grind fresh pepper over top if desired.

Let's get it on!

So CD1 is here.  Provera be damned!  I went ahead and tossed the last few pills I had.  Of course I'm a little confused how my period started while I was still on the Provera, but oh well.  This can work to my advantage!  It turns out that Mr. W will be out of town for a few days next month.  Those few days fall right when I had projected that I would ovulate if AF had shown up two weeks after finishing the Provera.  So I'm pretty stoked that the bitch is early!   I'm stocked up on sticks for my CBEFM and OPK sticks (I know I'm a POAS-a-holic) and have a few applicators of Pre-Seed.  I'm ready!  Let's get it on (ummm...next week or so)!

I've held off on starting my W.W. pictorial.  I'm glad I did, though.  I was beyond bloated!  I'm starting the plan tomorrow and will get Mr. W to snap a few shots of me tomorrow night.  Don't say you weren't warned!  ;-)

Lovin' it!

I love my new food scale!  I used to have a crappy little non-digital scale, and it sucked.  Plus, I broke it.

To pic or not to pic?

This weekend (whenever Mr. W and I get to the store) I'm going back on Weig.ht Wa.tchers.  I did this last spring and lost 17 pounds!  For you metric ladies, that's 7.7 kilos!  Now I've gained back almost ever bit of it.

I plan on chronicling my journey here, for the world to see.  The question is, would you want to see pictures?  I'm contemplating having Mr. W take front, rear, and side view pictures so I can see exactly how far I've come.  Granted my body is not pretty and it won't be supermodel hot even when I get to my goal weight, but it's only a body.  Of course the posts would be password protected, but of course just about anyone who asks can have the password.  But they would be bathing suit-ish pics (as if I had a suit that fit..HA!).

So tell me what you think...pics or no pics?

I tried to add a poll, but could not.  I've really got to sit down and figure out this whole wordpress and CSS thing.  Grrrrrr

Pray Harder

The couple that I posted about yesterday needs even more prayers.

Here's the latest update I have.

Please pray

Please pray for this couple and their baby.  The mother was on her way to a double lung transplant when they found out she was pregnant.  They held off on delivery as long as possible, but with the mother's deteriorating health, today is the day.  If I'm not mistaken, she is under 30 weeks, but exactly how far along, I do not know.

Humor in the Military (and ps with addendum)

I just received a call from one of my husband's co-workers.  He said that everyone in the shop has requested that I not ever feed him 15 bean soup again.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!  Where's there sense of humor?  Hahahahaha!!!

ps
CD38 today.  I called my doc and alreadyheard back.  Pro.vera is on the way!  So there's a possibility that I'll be in the middle of a cycle right about Valentine's Day!  (I will ovulate.  I will ovulate!)

addendum to ps
The nurse said that Dr. D wants to see if my cyst-related symptoms go away with AF.  We're all hopeful they will.  I told them that I really only want to come see with for good things and that I only wanted an u/s to see a baby, not a cyst.  They completely agree with me!

New day, new year, new attitude

I gotta new attitude!



It's now day 2 of 2008.  I survived.  I lived through 2007 and all that it brought with it.  Now don't get me wrong, 2007 rocked in many ways!  Of course, nothing sticks out in my mind but the BFP...that didn't quite end the way I wanted it to, though.

 So now it's a new year full of renewed hopes!  I am very hopeful that I will be able to obtain and maintain a healthy pregnancy this year.  I am very hopeful that things will be better than last year.  I am very hopeful that I will have the strength to endure if things do not go exactly as I'd like them to.  I am hopeful!!!

Now onto IF.  CD36?  Hello?  AF?  Are you out there?  Please come and visit for a few days.  I know you're not being held at bay by a pregnancy, so let's do this! 

Speaking of growing things...the cyst that I'm positive I've got growing on my ovary is driving me nuts!  It did its best to ruin New Year's Eve, but Mr. W wouldn't allow that!  Let's just say that s.e.x and cysts don't get along too well.  And would someone please remind me to quit plopping down into chairs and couches?!?!  That is highly uncomfortable!

My plan for the rest of the week...call the doc if AF hasn't shown up by Friday morning.  Either I'll go in for a scan to check on this cyst and get some pro.vera or they'll just call in some pro.vera for me.  Those are the only options I'll take.  I mean how many HPTs can I ruin before AF will start?  (the count so far is about 5.)

 I hope everyone has great plans and hopes for the new year!  Good luck!!

PS  The party was quite fun!  We didn't stay for midnight, which worked out well.  We got home before I got too drunk and had our New Year's kiss in our living room.  :-)