Blog? What blog?

Ohhhhh....This blog!

I'm so sorry I've been a slacker. I could give you tons of excuses, but they're just that. I have been pretty under the weather for a while, but I finally took the jump and decided to blog. So here goes!

• Everything is fine with Thumper as of my last u/s October 25. He was so active it was almost surreal! Yeah, you read that right, HE! I had my NT scan on the 22nd and the tech guessed it was probably a boy due to having too much stuff between the legs to be a girl. I had another free scan on the 25th (love it that MUSC is so big into studies, there's always someone that needs to get certified for something) and the tech agrees with that probability.
• Yes, I would have loved a girl, but I'm equally excited for another boy. I know what a joy they are. Plus, he's healthy, that was my biggest desire!!
• Hyperemesis is the devil. I had started feeling a little bit better, but then it all went to hell. The vomiting became so violent that it was freaking me out, hurting me, and causing blood vessels to burst in my face. (let me tell you how beautiful my complexion is right now.) My doctor prescribed Reglan for me with the warning that it could increase my anxiety or depression symptoms. 24 hours after starting it I was vowing to never take another one ever again due to the panic attacks. Luckily a little over 24 hours and I'm almost completely back to "normal".
• My psychiatrist tweaked my meds a little and I finally feel like my old self, again! Hooray!!!
• Does anyone have any advice for night sweats? I've been having them since almost 8 weeks. They're wreaking havoc on my sleep!!!
• Thank God Tim's mouth is almost completely healed!!! Within a few days you could see a noticeable difference in the discolored tissue. Almost a month later there is ZERO discoloration and only two small patches where the tissue isn't smooth, yet. He's planning on giving it a few more months then he'll schedule an appointment to have everything checked out. I mean it, Thank you God! And thank you to everyone who offered prayers and thoughts for him!!
• They only sent Tim out of town for 4 (I think) days. It was exhausting, but my HG was lighter than it is now, so everything went smoothly. He even came home to a clean house!
• Charleston seems to have forgotten there's a season between Summer and Winter. It also seems to think the seasons are supposed to mix on the same day. The other night it was 33 degrees at night and 75 the following afternoon. Get with it weather!
• I've been horrible with reading blogs, so please tell me what I've missed!

Thank you so much to everyone that has contacted me to check on me! I appreciate the love & support!!!

And because I can't mention I've had two ultrasounds and not share at least one picture...

Profile

4d missing the top of his head...creeeepy!

Trembling

Last night I held my husband's hand as he trembled. His face was ashen. His fear was very evident. It terrified me.

Tim has used tobacco products in one form or another since he was a teenager. So has everyone in his family except one grandparent. As long as I've known him he's used smokeless tobacco, he's dipped. He quit before our wedding and didn't pick it back up for almost 6 months. He quit again a few months ago, but picked it back up when the depression and stress became too much for him. He quit again last night.

Every night he brushes his teeth and uses mouth wash. Last night he inspected his gums and mouth and was horrified at what he saw. There are patches inside his cheeks that look like they've been shredded and his gums are discolored and oddly textured. This could be bad. This could be very bad.

Tim's going to give himself a few days to see if the "magic mouthwash" he's using will help his mouth. If not, it's off to the doctor he goes with prayers that this isn't cancer.

Because it could be.

And we're both terrified.

SWAK

• Thank you soooo much for all your love and support on my last post!
• Tim thinks things will get better over the next few months. He's weaning himself off the meds they gave him to quit smoking (zyban). I told him if things weren't better than we'd need to see about counseling. He said OK.
• Tim and I kissed and made up. We still have a lot of issue to work through, but things are better at the moment. And I'm not joking about the kissing...he kept randomly kissing me all day. I think that helped our attitudes towards each other. You can't underestimate the power of physical affection.
• Against my better judgment, we chased the egg before he left. This could have many outcomes. If we don't get pregnant, nothing lost nothing gained and the decision to TTC can be put off for a couple of weeks. If we get pregnant and lose the baby (I'm a little bit of a pessimist on this at the moment) the depression and pain from that won't help us at all. If we get pregnant and end up with a THB, the stress of a newborn and toddlers could be enough to break us. Damn I really should have listened to my head instead of my uterus.
• On a completely happy note, I love the fact that Jack "sings" along with a certain TV show that I won't mention because I'm ashamed we let him watch it (nothing horrendous, but definitely not education or age appropriate). And if Trip gets to watch Elmo's World, he waves and says "HI!" and "Bye!" to Elmo. I love the way these boys laugh when I chase them around. I love that they have so much fun playing with each other and chasing each other around (sometimes). I love walking into their room in the morning and seeing them jump up and down in their cribs, then running from me and falling into the corner as they break into fits of giggles.
• Hopefully I get to hang out with Courtney from Connecting the Dots (sorry, she's private) early next week!
• Oh yeah. I suck. I never did blog about hanging with Courtney or Suzy a few months ago. Oops. For that matter I'm not sure I blogged about hanging out with Farah or Jen last year.
• For that matter, I haven't finished my blog-you-very-much (I started it before the boys were born) post or my sock-it-to-me post. Boy, I really do suck!
• Tim is in VA Beach until Saturday afternoon. I've enjoyed my little break from him, but do miss him. I have the hardest time getting to sleep when he's not in the house. The boys seem to have a rough time going to bed if he's not here to tuck them in, too. It would be sweet if it weren't so exhausting trying to calm them down.
• Oh yeah! Jack has his peds ophthalmologist appointment tomorrow morning. I probably won't update until tomorrow evening. They said to expect 2 hours, my optometrist said expect 3. My optometrist also said to expect the docs to push for surgery. That won't be the first route we take, though.
• And I guess that's all for now. I really must get back to cleaning my house.

A Change of Mind

Last night I told Tim I didn't think we should be trying for another baby right now.

We've been bickering (not really fighting, but constant bickering) a lot lately. It feels like he's angry at me all the time, and I don't know why. He makes constant comments about things I'm doing wrong or not doing, but won't come right out and tell me what it is he thinks I should be doing. On the other hand, his constant negativity is about to drive me up a wall. He is constantly working on one project or another then complaining because he doesn't think he spends enough time with the kids. Whenever he sits down long enough to do anything with the boys he ends up laying down and falling asleep on the couch. His tone and attitude are poisoning the house.

I expressed a lot of this to him last night and his response was that our sex life sucks. Why yes, yes it does! The combination of my low self esteem and his complete negativity kills any sex drive I could ever muster up. Who wants to get all romantic right after their husband has finished slamming a door because "nothing ever goes right!!!!"? Give me a break! And as far as my self esteem goes? Well...my weight isn't helping (or going down because I just don't want to diet right now). You know what else doesn't help? Having a husband that gets pissed off because I haven't gone to the grocery store (did I blog about that yet?) then turns around and grabs my ass like I'm a piece of meat? Kind of makes a girl think the only reason she's around is to cook and put out.

So we had a long talk last night and didn't seem to get anything resloved. He said he still wanted to try for another, but feels the only reason we have sex it to conceive (ummm...sure...because sex 6 days before earliest possible ovulation has a chance. yeah).  I told him that I didn't think adding another baby would help our stress levels. I'm concerned about our marriage and don't want to add anymore to our plates.

Then today I get this:

 Tim was supposed to be out of town for my peak fertile days this month, but it didn't happen. I don't know of another cycle that I ovulated before CD17.

My last miscarriage happened 6 months ago yesterday. I would have been 35 weeks tomorrow. I wonder what state our marriage and my mental health would be in if the baby had been healthy.

Updates Updates Updates

Honestly, there's not much to update on.

The boys are doing well. At their 15/18 month appointment the doc said so. Trip is holding on to the 3rd percentile for weight and up to the 50th percentile for height. Jack is sticking to his 33th percentile for both height and weight. From the way they've grown to date it looks like they're each picking a side of the family and sticking to it. Trip looks like my side of the family and is doing our traditional male thing of being average height and thin. Jack looks just like Tim and is built so much like him (short and stocky and muscled). Trip is just a little behind in his speech, but everyone keeps telling me it's OK. It seems babies/toddlers prefer to focus on either physical or mental and Trip is really focusing on climbing. He can almost pull himself onto the changing table/dresser in his bedroom. What?!?!

It's been 4 months since I lost my Nugget. While the pain is still there, it's not too bad. I'm having some trouble with depression, but I think it has as much to do with my weight and my lack of happy-pills as it does my loss. Out of those three things, there's only one I can change at the moment.

My weight. Oh boy, is that a touchy subject right now. When I got pregnant last year (boy does that sound weird to me) I started putting on weight. I wasn't too concerned about gaining a little; after all, I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby and used that as an excuse to eat. What's a little grief eating between friends, anyway? Then I just ate. Now I eat because I'm bored, hungry (not really, I'm rarely hungry because my stomach is rarely that empty), angry, depressed...etc. I'm one huge bag of emotions and the way to deal with that seems to be eating. This isn't a new story for me, but instead a different chapter of the same lame story. Binge eating, Anorexia, now just constant eating; food and I have a rough history.

So I'm on the verge of starting Weight Watchers again. I say "on the verge" instead of just doing it because I have to make a full grocery trip before I can do this. And making a full grocery trip is something this is dependent on Tim either taking care of the boys or Tim going with us. This means Tim would have to take time away from building his precious shed (if you know me on FB, you may have seen a picture of his latest project).

Tim's shed. Ugh. We've had so many fights over whatever it is that's taking the majority of my non-child related focus. Whether it's blogging, gaming, crocheting, reading...whatever it is, it gets on his nerves. It takes my focus away from whatever it is he thinks I should be doing. The majority of the time we fight about my hobbies, it's because I don't want to drop whatever it is I'm doing to come "mark a board" or "hold a board" or "eyeball something" for him. You see, my husband is a work-a-holic of sorts. He's not so into his for-money job that he's there all the time, but he's so into keeping busy that he ALWAYS has something going on at home. If it's not rebuilding an old car (sold that project THANK YOU GOD) it's remodeling something. If it's not remodeling something it's building something new. He never sits still. And everything he does is more important than anything else going on in our house except for the boys bedtime (he gets very upset if he misses bedtime). For example, he can't bring the trashcan back from the street after the can is emptied (even though he walks past it) because he's too busy; he can't take his dirty socks upstairs (even though he goes upstairs at least 3 times a day) because he's too busy. OK...I could go on and on about this, but it's just pissing me off even more so I'm going to drop it here.

On the baby front...well...I'm not pregnant. And of course I shouldn't be right now. BUT I am off my birth control pills. First off, I started some breakthrough bleeding on week 2 of my last pack. Then on week 3 I started a full fledged period. I don't feel like messing with pills if they're not going to stop a period, so there. Plus, we DO want to add one more kid to the lot, so , yeah. But this month, I avoided all encounters with Tim until it was either wayyyy too early or too late to get pregnant (I hope).

I know 5 4 women that are pregnant right now (one had her baby last week) totaling 4 girls and 1 boy so I've been super busy crocheting baby gifts. One of the blankets was originally started for my first ill-fated pregnancy. I finished it and gave it to Tim's boss & his wife. They're 41 and 42 and this is their second pregnancy...their first successful one. This was the hardest blanket to give away, but it seemed to be the perfect couple to give it to. No clue where I was going with this paragraph, but I'll share some pics:

Well, that really seems to be it for now. Oh yeah, teething sucks and the fact the boys' mouths are already crowded isn't making it any easier. The doc says they've more than likely inherited my omg-your-teeth-are-so-crowded-you-had-to-have-EIGHT-teeth-removed-to-have-enough-space issue. Yay. Hopefully the next time I post it will be to tell you how much I'm loving being back on WW (because I really do enjoy it once I get on it).

This and that

I really should do Danifred's Friday Night Leftovers, but that would mean posting on a certain day...yeah.  Not sure I can commit.  I know, I suck.  ;-)  Here's are some bullet points for you regardless.

• I'm supposed to get my braces off today.  Hooray!  I've had them on for 21 months 4 weeks and 1 day.  Wow.  I'm probably going to get a permanent retainer because my memory sucks like that.  Yeah.


• I'm not looking forward to un-telling my Ortho's office.  I told them I was pregnant when I went in last time because they mentioned X-rays.  Now I have to un-tell a huge open office of mostly women of childbearing age.  At least they're all nice women.  I just pray no one says any of those horrible things that people seem to want to say in times of loss.


• Tim is leaving the country before I get done with my ortho appointment today.  He'll be gone for almost two weeks.  I'm not sure who will miss him more, me or the boys.  They adore their Daddy.  I'm kind of partial to him myself.


• I find it amusing that everyone I know will see me without braces for the first time in almost two years, except the man I'm married to.  Hahaha!


• I'm tired of the stupid things people say to someone that's had a miscarriage (or other forms of loss).  "God knows best"?  And you and God speak about me often?  Let ME decide when I want to give this to God (which, by the way, I have, but it hurts me when other people assume things).


• Please also don't tell me there must have been something wrong with the baby.  I only know one doctor and she wouldn't be so insensitive since she's not my OB.  And if you think something else besides "I'm sorry" "I'm praying for you" or such sentiments are appropriate, they're probably not.  (and in no way is any of this directed at anyone that has ever commented on my blog, this is for the IRL people that honestly mean well, but screw it up instead).


• We find out in 2 1/2 weeks if there are any test results to receive.  We may find out if something went wrong.  We may find out the sex of the Nugget.  We may not.  I'm trying to not really grieve too much until then.  No matter how much I grieve and/or heal, the whole can of worms will be reopened then.


• The boys and I (and Emma, the dog) are heading up to visit my parents in Western NC this week.  I've got plans to hang out with my BFF Friday night.  Saturday afternoon I'm taking my nephew to a movie for his birthday.  Sunday I'm going to church with my boys and my parents and praying that no one makes a stupid comment to me (their whole church knows about the nugget).  Monday we're heading home!


• I'm almost done with a scarf to wear while in NC.  It's really difficult to get into crocheting a scarf when the daily high is almost 70°.  Don't get me wrong, I'm SO HAPPY the weather is beautiful, but it really kills warm-chunky-scarf desire. ;-)


• Jack bites.  Just ask Trip.  Trip took Jack's toy for about the 100th time last night and Jack finally snapped.  We thought Jack was just pushing Trip down with his head, like he so often does to keep him away, but we were wrong.  We lifted Jack off and found eight tiny teeth prints on Trip's arm.  Trip never even gave a clue Jack was hurting him (and we know it had to hurt, the red marks are still there today).  The devious little grin across Trip's face never faltered...well, not until Tim held Trip still so I could take a picture of the wound.  Heathen children!


• Oh yeah, and Trip might have been fussy the past couple of weeks because he was getting a 1 year molar...duh! I didn't notice it until it was 1/2 way through.  This totals 3 teeth in his mouth that are 1/2 way through and 3 more huge lumps where his other three 1 year molars are ready to bust through.  Jack also has a 1 year molar cutting through and 3 huge lumps where more molars are hiding out.


• Sock it to me anyone?
  

Thank you for being here for me!  You'll never know how much it has meant to have your support.  :-)

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:-)

You guys are so amazing! Reading your wonderful and supportive and loving comments on my last two posts brought tears to my eyes. I don't have much of a support system IRL, so you mean a lot to me. I love you guys!

To update:

Things are much better with me and Mr. W. I've talked to him a few times about the possible crush. He's convinced me beyond a shadow of a doubt that he doesn't even find her attractive. I explained to him that this is probably just my insecurities coming to the surface and it will take me a while to get over this. He understood and is being super supportive of me.

You guys are right, though. If he thought she was hot, that wouldn't bother me. I've actually pointed out women to my husband if they're that attractive (funny thing is how different our "tastes" are...if I were a guy we'd never have competed for the same woman). If he actually had a crush on her...that would have been more of an emotional thing and it would have bothered me. Being flattered by someone who gives him attention wouldn't bother me either. I understand how it feels to have someone make you feel good about yourself. Funny story: Right after we found out I was pregnant the first time Mr. W went to the store. Some attractive young thing hit on him and tried to give him her number. Of course he didn't take the number, but he was so flattered. He came home damn near gushing about it. You know why it flattered him? She couldn't have been older than 19 so it made him feel "young"! Hahahaha (he was 27 at the time I think)!

As far as the postpartum depression goes, it's gotten better. Just realizing what the problem is helped. Changing the boys to a two hour eating schedule helped (Trip is a much happier baby and is eating almost twice as much as he was, now). Quitting the evil Zoloft helped (the anxiety is all but gone again). Mr. W stepping it up has helped. I'm beginning Prozac tomorrow, so we'll see if that helps. I'm trying to get back to walking at least a mile every day; I know that helps. Day by day it's getting better.

I need to work on my self esteem and body image, now. The walking is a step in the right direction (seriously, no pun intended). I need to work on our diet, though. I'd like to go back to Weight Watchers, but until I can commit myself to three definite meals a day, there's no point. Maybe in a couple of months. Right now I'm focusing on eating less when I eat and trying to add some healthier things in. I'm also working on increasing my sex life. That may not sound like it has anything to do with self esteem or body image, but it does. The more I allow Mr. W to touch me, the more I'm going to believe he really wants to (boy that sounds effed up). As it stands I feel repulsive therefor it's hard to believe he's attracted to me. Plus, the natural endorphins from sex are great for my moods! ;-)

Anyway. I appreciate all of the support and advice. It really helped me figure out if I wanted to stew over the "crush" or confront. It's also made me feel loved which is a really great feeling. :-) Thank you.

What would you do?

What would you do if you thought your husband had a crush on someone he worked with?  You don't think he's having an affair, you think it's just a crush.   What would you do?

And no, this isn't hypothetical for me and I'm working on how I feel about my suspicion.

You wha? Huh?

Mr. W says he's not so sure about getting a vasectomy next year.  He wonders if we might be meant to have more children.  What?

Give me a effing break!

So I currently have three babies in the house.  The two newborns and the husband.  As much as I thought I would hate for him to go back to work on Friday, I'm soooo ready.  He's used to being super busy and always doing something, and that's not been the case lately.  He's pretty much been a wonderful help with the boys, but I think he's getting a little tired of it. 

I don't mean he's getting tired of the boys, but he's tired of taking care of the three of us.  I'm still having a fair amount of pain from my surgery and still on some restrictions so he's still having to do more than I would like for me and the house.  I'm pretty sure he's tired of washing bottles and trying to comfort gassy tummies. 

And today he decides that he needs to fix the material on my moon-roof (began to fall off after I left it open during a huge rain storm).  To do this he had to take apart quite a bit of the interior of my car.  Now it's getting dark and he still hasn't been able to fix it.  It's not his fault that he can't find material to match the old stuff, no paint will stick to it, and he can't think of any other solutions.  But good God!  Don't get pissy with me because I can't come up with a solution that you're "comfortable with". 

So, yeah.  He really needs to go back to work.  At least tomorrow we'll be over at my sister's house for part of the day.  I'm sure me, my sister, the boys, and my niece will hide away in one part of the house while Mr. W, my BIL, and my nephew hide away in another part.  A little break will be nice.

For the record, I've all but begged him to go out and do something.  I can't force him to take a break.

 

On a really odd note, why in the world is pu-ssy in my spell-check but pissy is not?  Really wordpress?

The post where I do nothing but brag on my husband

BEWARE - I AM ABOUT TO LIST EVERYTHING THAT I CAN THINK OF THAT MR. W HAS DONE TO OUR HOUSE. IT IS A LONG AND TEDIOUS LIST AND I'M SERIOUSLY BRAGGING ON HIM BECAUSE I AM SO PROUD. PLEASE DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED TO READ OR COMMENT. :-)

The house was purchased in April 2005 and Mr. W began very slowly renovating it himself. He has replaced the cedar siding with hardi-plank siding (at the same time he added a lot of insulation because there was so much missing and replaced the drywall they had under the siding with plywood as it should have plus he added a vapor barier), replaced/repaired structural damage that previous owners had ignored/shoddily repaired, replaced all 12 windows, 3 doors, sliding glass doors with french doors, and garage door (which included re framing and custom trim), replaced the roof (with the help of a few friends), replaced the floor of the front porch and the rear deck, rebuilt the front and rear stairs, replaced the railings on the front and rear porch, re screened the upper portion of the back porch and enclosed the lower portion, replaced the exterior lighting making sure to properly run the wires so the house wouldn't burn down as opposed to whoever had done it before, and painted the entire house and all the trim.

On the inside Mr. W tore down old pine paneling, sheet rocked 5 1/2 rooms, repaired all other sheet rock, scraped and repaired all ceilings, ran new electrical where necessary, built new hearth (with my help) and installed and tiled new mantle and surround, installed new light fixtures and celing fans, tore out old carpet, replaced top layer of sub floor in all rooms and both layers where necessary, laid hardwood floors throughout the downstairs then replaced with sturdier (and nicer) pergo flooring once dogs ruined hardwoods, replaced stair treads and handrails (with help from my BIL), gutted 2 1/2 bathrooms, installed new plumbing/repaired old plumbing where necessary, installed 3 new toilets, 2 new bathtubs, tiled 2 shower walls and 3 bathroom floors, installed 3 new vanities with sinks and one pedestal sink, installed new kitchen counters, sink, fixtures, and appliances, installed a new attic door/stairs, installed new baseboards and crown molding in every room, and painted everything. He actually paid a company to come in and install carpet upstairs and on the stairs themselves (dogs ruined the nice stained stairs he installed...they're not allowed on the carpet).

Underneath the house Mr. W has replaced insulation, replaced the vapor barrier, repaired plumbing, replaced and/or repaird duct work and vents, pinned up all lose and hanging wires, replaced the lattice around the bottom of the porch and deck, installed an access panel under the porch and deck and replaced the access door under the house.  (Someone please tell me why every time the jackass termite inspection guy comes he has to either break something under the house or tear down insulation and not push it back up???)

Through all of this renovating Mr. W suffered a split lip (literally split right through the entire lower portion of his lip) and eyebrow, a broken arm, and two severed fingers. He achieved a serious sense of accomplishment and pride plus a shit load of equity in a now beautiful house.

I am so proud of him!

Give me an inch...

And apparently I completely disregard your feelings in all matters.  No really, this seems to be the case with Mr. W.

I really haven't meant to disregard Mr. W's feelings in a lot of things, but it appears I have.  He's so kind, loving, giving, and easy going that I didn't know I was doing it.  He didn't feel well the other night, so was a little more open with some of his concerns.

For years I have known that when I had a baby my mother would come and stay with me for the first week and basically do anything I asked to help.  She did this with my sister both times and was considered a God-send.  I knew that I would want this.  I knew that this would happen.  This was merely a fact, not something that would ever be debated.  Apparently Mr. W isn't actually all on board with this.

A few nights ago, when something is mentioned about my parents coming into town next week, Mr. W says something about how he's not very excited about this.  I ask him to elaborate and basically what he tells me is that he's concerned that he won't be able to hold his children when he wants to.  I'm sure there's a little more to it than that, but that's as far as he would go.  I offered to have my parents come at a later time or to have them stay with my sister, but he declined.  He said that this is something that he new I wanted and that he had known about since we started trying to have children.

I tried to convince him that my Mom would be completely out of our way.  Knowing my Mom and having spoken with my Sister, I know that she won't do anything she's not asked to do and would never overstep any boundaries.  Mr. W's family can be quite pushy (his Mom always buys glasses and place-mats and things that she feels we need when she visits...as if we wouldn't go get them ourselves if they were necessary or if we actually wanted them) so maybe this is where his fear comes in.  I also think that he is completely oblivious about the reality of having a newborn in the house, much more so about having two of them.

My Sister has assured me that he will completely change his mind after the boys arrive, since her husband had reservations also but ended up crying when she left.  My Sister and I have also decided that if he decides, after any amount of time, that he isn't happy with her here then her and my Dad can hop across town and spend the rest of the week at my Sister's house.  I've already let him know that this is an option, if he so chooses, and that I respect whatever choice he makes.

Another issue that I didn't think to consult him about until our childbirth class is circumcision.  We're having two boys and I didn't think to ask their Father if he was comfortable with having them circumcised?!?!?!  Really?  What was I thinking (or not thinking)?  We are on the same page, but I didn't ask until I was in my third trimester.  I'm pretty sure this is something that I should have thought about talking with him about.  Instead, the topic comes up in class and I lean over to him and whisper, "You do want to circumcise the boys, don't you?"

Since the other night I have realized that I really need to work on the fact that I am not the only one involved in this pregnancy.  He may not be carrying the boys, but he is very interested in what is going on.  He loves these children no less than I do and also wants what is best for them.  Mr. W has gone above and beyond the call of duty in taking care of me for the past eight months.  He is as excited as I am about their arrival.  He is a good man, a smart and loving man, and will be a wonderful father.  I cannot continue to make decisions without him.

On another Mr. W and the boys front, he is wearing himself ragged.  He has worked so hard to get the house finished in time; he has worked so hard taking care of me; he has been pretty much the sole housekeeper and majority cook; he has taken on many extra duties at work.  Mr. W seems to be at the end of his seemingly endless energy.  The other morning he came home from PT (physical training, work required exercise, usually includes many miles of running and other exercises three times a week) and looked like death warmed over.  He actually had to pull off the road while he was coming home because he thought he was going to pass out.  Why?  Exhaustion.  Daily his coloring looks worse. 

I am so worried about him.  He won't stop or even slow down.  Yesterday went to work, took off of work to run me around to appointments, pushed me around in a wheelchair while we shopped (yes I require a wheelchair if I go shopping, walking any further than around my house or standing for more than a few minutes at a time is quite painful), came home and ran new A/V component wires through the wall, crawled under the house a few times to finish the wiring job, and swept the downstairs.  This was a slow day for him.  On any given day he works from 7am to 4pm or so, cleans the kitchen, cooks dinner, sweeps the downstairs, builds something or another and/or works on something for someone else, does laundry, takes breaks to play with our love-starved dogs, and waits on me hand and foot.   I try to do what I can so there's not as much for him to do, but I'm pretty limited.  Plus, he actually gets upset with me if I do more than he thinks I should.

The other week, when he was on 3rd shift but also having to go in during the day to do his extra duties, I was supposed to wake him up at 10am.  I knew he was very tired so I didn't bother him until almost noon.  I was out running errands, so luckily wasn't home to make sure he got up.  I got home sometime around 5pm and found him just waking up.  He had slept for 17 hours.  He didn't wake up to go to the bathroom or eat.  He didn't even remember me calling.  He had been asleep since about midnight the night before.

As I'm typing this Mr. W is gently snoring in the recliner where he fell asleep around 2pm.  I'm not waking him up until dinner is ready.  Hopefully after dinner I can keep him from starting on all the projects he told me earlier that he wanted to do today.  I know he's afraid that something won't get done before the boys get here (hello???  no one is going to be looking at our floors if they come over!), but what good will he be to them if he gets so worn down that he gets sick.  My poor baby.

So, if you've made it this far, and advice on (a) how to help Mr. W feel more involved (b) how to get me to quit being so self centered (c) how to get Mr. W to take a break?

Ramblings and semi-updates

Sorry for being so MIA.  I know been less than two weeks since I've posted, but I've barely been reading or commenting.  I'm bad, I know.

Right now I feel like hibernating.  I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months.  I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal.  I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.

I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well.  The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits.  She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much.  She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed.  I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats.  Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult.  Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.

I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position.  They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse.  This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible.  I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B.  She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary.  She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section.  I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks.  That was honestly a relief.  All in all it was a very good appointment.

I scheduled my birthing classes.  Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class.  I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November.  I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.

Braxton Hicks suck.  I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon.  Then it kind of hit me.  Duh.  But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them.  I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down.  It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work.  Apparently a desk job is just too much right now.  Seriously?  Yup, seriously.  And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen).  She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended.  She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day.  Um...does she have that option at her job?  Really.  Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work.  I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes.  At this point what can they say?  You're fired...hahahahah!  That would be hilarious, actually.  I'd like to see them train my replacement.

Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene.  Everything below the belly button looks shredded.  Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children.  He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back."  Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back.  I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it.  I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless.  Yeah yeah yeah.  Whatever.

Well, I've rambled enough.  Now I'm going to go to bed.  I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!

She's six months pregnant...

That comment wasn't made about me, it was about some other woman.  Mr. W's co-worker asked him to come help repair his neighbor's a/c.  I asked Mr. W why he was helping his co-worker's neighbor (ie a perfect stranger of no connection to him*) with the a/c and his response was, "Because her husband's deployed and she's 6 months pregnant."  I'd definitely hope that someone would help me if I were in her shoes, which is always a possibility.

So Mr. W comes home last night telling me all about his adventure in a/c.  There was nothing he could do to help the woman, but between him and his buddy they figured out what was wrong and found a professional to cut her a seriously good deal to recharge the unit.  Then he goes on to tell me that he and the woman chatted a good deal.  It turns out she and her husband did IVF and she's now pregnant with twins.  She's not six months pregnant, though...she's a few weeks behind me.  And she's "not as big as you are, honey."  Apparantly his buddy had just been guessing at how far along she was due to her size.

Now I'm wondering...how far along do random people think I am.  It tripped me out the other day when a patient asked my boss if I would be delivering soon.  Needless to say everyone was laughing about that one.  Of course I know I'm only going to get bigger and completely expect people to make such remarks as, "You're HUGE!"  Bring it on!  ;-)

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="17 Weeks 1 Day"][/caption]

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="17 Weeks 1 Day (bare)"]

 

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Sorry for the blurriness of the pics.  That's what happens when you don't use the flash, it would seem.

* Mr. W is such a nice guy that he rarely says no to helping anyone.  This has begun to be an issue since he helped a random woman in our neighborhood (we'd all been introduced once a few years ago).  This woman has since proceded to give out Mr. W's cell number to other people in the neighborhood.  Now he gets all sorts of people calling him for help repairing one thing or another.  I'm all for him helping people, but it's getting a bit ridiculous!

New days rock

Today, Thursday, May 29, please click on Allison's blog, Our Own Creation, and help replace her previous "best day ever" post with whatever is currently up on her blog that day. (The day that Allison lost Zoë is forever marked her "best day ever" on Wordpress because it is the day that the most people visited her blog. For her own emotional well-being, she needs this post to be taken off her blog dashboard. The way to do that is to create a new record for visits to her blog.)  Everyone needs to visit on the same day--May 29th--because if we simply click throughout the week, it won't bump the day she lost Zoë from that section of the dashboard.  (this was all plagerized from this post)

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I woke up this morning, took my shower, and then it dawned on me.  I AM NOT MISERABLE!!!!  I am still nauseous, but it's very do-able.  I'm only taking my Zofran at this point and feel that it's definitely manageable.  I am absolutely ecstatic to finally not feel miserable!!!!  I think I may even venture to one store or another after work to see if I can find a couple of shirts that might fit me for a little while.  Of course, that's if I have the energy.  Today is my second full day back at work so I expect to be pretty tired at the end of the day.  Of course I can't walk around topless on the weekends (regardless of how much Mr. W enjoys seeing my "porn-star tits").  And I'm pretty sure Mr. W is also about to hide all of his t-shirts from me so I'll quit stealing them.  :-)

Than you all for your input yesterday.  I guess I'm just emotional right now and need to remember that not everyone else is a basket case like I am.  Duh.

Wonderful

What a wonderful day it was!  The year was 2004.  The day was Wednesday April 7.  It was some time after 9:00 pm and I was tucked into my nice comfy bed ready to watch a little TV and drift off into sleep.  A good friend had different plans.  After nagging for at least 10 minutes she finally convinced me to drag my happy ass out of bed to meet her and her boyfriend for a few beers and some pool.  That was the best decision I've ever been coerced into making!

After arriving at the pool hall, my friend and her boyfriend realized that 3 people make an odd group for pool (at least this was what they told me) and decided to find one of his friends to come play.  After searching through his phone (married...out of town...out of town...married...girlfriend...wait, he's separated) he found someone.  This someone happened to also be in bed watching TV and quite reluctant to leave his comfort.  This someone also made a good decision and got out of bed.

I was forwarned that the friend was a little bit of a redneck.  That was a bit of an understatement.  And he was short.  My height exactly.  But wait...he was soooo cute!  And that smile...that twinkle in his eye...

His first impression of me?  "Damn she's skinny!"  And it was a pretty accurrate impression.  5'5" and about 115 lbs (165 cm 52 kg) with a moderate bone structure.  I could have used a sandwhich.

After not a lot of conversation and a few bad games of pool, we were all ready to leave.  My friend convinced me to come with them to her house, even though my poor kitty was locked in my apartment and I had to go to work in the morning. 

A few more beers...one thing lead to another...

Eventually our "fling" turned into love.  Love turned into marriage.

And that's how I met Mr. W.  4 years ago.

 

On a completely different note, I got to see this today:
 

Mr. W's Birthday

[slideshow id=288230376167988142&w=350&h=262]

Bad dog!

Mr. W:  The dogs are locked outside.
Me:  What did they do?
Mr. W:  They pulled everything off of the table and ripped it up.  Including the bills.
Me:  The dining room table?  (because that's where I set the bills.  the other place for the bills is the foyer table in an organizer I bought specifically for that use)
Mr. W:  No.  The end table.  (where he's been piling his junk for a couple of weeks)  They also tore all the clothes out of the bags.
Me:  What bags?
Mr. W:  The bag by the DVD player.  I don't know what their problem is!
Me:  I don't know.Honestly, I know exactly what the problems are.  It's not the dogs.  Yes, they know better.  But come on!!!  How long do you expect them to have the temptation and not give in?  And his crap isn't supposed to go on the end table.  It goes in the bill organizer.  And that bag with the clothes?  Yeah.  It's been sitting in the floor since he got back from his last trip (Feb 15).  I've asked him numerous times to clean his shit up.  But he always has something else more important.  I refuse to clean up after him anymore.  Don't get me wrong, he can clean very well!  He goes through phases where he'll just get in the mood and clean the entire house.  But that's usually after he's left so much crap out that it's disgusting.  WTF?!?!  I'm over it!

Then he says he doesn't know if he'll be able to get the living room (and dining room table...his crap, too) cleaned up before I get off of work.  He then asks when my parents will be over (could have sworn he was sitting with me last night when it was planned) and is pretty upset when I inform him that they'll be coming over as soon as I get off of work.  I AM NOT A FREAKING HOUSEKEEPER!  I WORK MORE HOURS THAN HE DOES!  I CLEAN UP AFTER MYSELF AND TAKE CARE OF THE KITCHEN AND BATHROOMS!  All I'm asking is for him to pick up after himself and to occasionally help me do a good cleaning.  Grrrrrrrrrrr

Oh yeah.  So I realized that I made my house sound like a disaster zone, it's not.  It gets cluttered and dusty at it's worst, but that's about it.  I just prefer a place for everything and everything in its place!  :-)

Question?

Does anyone know a site where I can check a medicine's effect on sperm?  Mr. W has been prescribed six meds for a cold (you read that right...6 for 1 cold) and I want to make sure that none of them should effect his boys. 

Why do the military doctors insist on either not treating or over treating everything?!?!?!

He's on (this is per him, I haven't seen the scripts):

Bacterium (possibly Bactrim)
Proventil HFA
Claritin D
800mg Ibuprofen
Tylenol 3 Cough Syrup
Acetaminophen (prescription strength?)

Thank you!!

Update

Jury duty is done!!!!  By the end of my second day on jury duty, the parties settled.  Thank you!!!  It was so frustrating having groups of people bickering, wanting my eventual opinion, but not allowing me to ask questions or jump in on the arguing.  Grrrrrrrrrrr

Now I've got 115 blogs to read (that's after I've read at least 50).  Please forgive me if I don't comment or miss something important.  I still really do care!  <3

As far as W.W. goes, I've had a slight setback.  It was too inconvenient to stick to my diet while I was serving jury duty.  Since I was having to travel an hour away to a tiny little town every day, I would have had to pack a cooler with food and trust that it would keep it at a healthy temperature.  I couldn't do it.  So I have not lost any weight this week.  But I also haven't gained, so that rocks!

My cycle is proceeding as predicted in my fat lady post.  It's CD18 and it's looking pretty bleak.  But life goes on and so will I.

On a funny note, Mr. W is so annoyed with all of the "stuff" around our house;  He has decided that he wants to throw everything away.  We're getting really close to completing the remodel of our house and he wants to start fresh once we're done.  By "stuff" I mean, picture frames, dog grooming brushes/combs/clippers, earphones, candles, etc.  I seriously have a hard time not laughing at him (because he's serious).  I'm pretty sure that I am married to the most melodramatic heterosexual male that does not act for a living.  Hahaha!