Milestones

Tomorrow I will be 5w3d.  That will be a milestone for me.  Last time I started bleeding at 5w3d.

I'm a little nervous today.  Of course it hasn't helped that I've been googling betas for multiples and found a ton that were very close to mine and ended up being triplets.  Ummmmmm.  WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING BETABASE?!?!?!  I would be overjoyed with twins and just as ecstatic for a singleton.  I would be terrified with triplets.  I really don't think it's triplets, though.  My betas weren't that high.

So tomorrow is my next scan.  I am very excited and cannot wait!  It's at 9:15 so I'll post as soon as I get to work (and get the hounds off of my ass enough to scan the pic).  Mr. W is back in town and off of work, so he'll go with me.  I think he's almost as excited as I am.  :-)

Now if only I can let go of this nagging, and irrational, fear that I'm going to begin bleeding as soon as they begin the wanding.

peek-a-boo?

Unfortunately it was a little too early to even see a sac.  I figured it would be, but the doc wanted to try.  I'm scheduled to go back next Thursday morning.  Mr. W will be back so he can go too.  Yay!

The doc did get a good view of my lining and ovaries which all look pretty good.  My ovaries still have some action going on, but nothing they weren't expecting after the Clomid.  My lining...I'm so proud of her.  She's at 25mm.  :-)

The doc said my numbers all look great for right now so she's pleased.  And my CD21 progesterone seemed to have her a little excited.  She said she hadn't seen that high of a progesterone before (30.9).

All in all my body seems to be doing what I've wanted it to do for so long.  And I am tickled pink!  (No really, I'm pretty pink lately.  All this excitement and extra blood flow has my skin quite flushed.)

I still barely have any symptoms, but it doesn't bother me.  I think I'm beginning to get a little morning sickness; I'm very tired; I've got a little extra acne.  That's about it.  Oh, wait!  I've got a road map on my boobs.  Ha!

Buzzing! (updated)

Yes, I'm buzzing on life right now!

14DPO beta = 344
16DPO beta = 797

That's a doubling time of 38 hours!  Hooray!

 

Now I wait until my u/s tomorrow to make sure it's all in the right place!  :-)

Note to self

If the cramping seems to be getting a little worse...
and you don't remember when you went to the bathroom last...

GO PEE!

Much better!

I love them!!!

This morning I left a very calm (as calm as I can be) message for my nurse.  I told her that I have 5 days of positive pee sticks and need to know what they want me to do now.  Then I picked up my phone and stared at it for the next few hours waited patiently.  Right at the end of my lunch break I got a phone call back.

I have "homework".  They faxed me two orders for betas and scheduled me for an U/S on Thursday!!!!!!  I was determined that I was going to be the model of a patient patient when I left that message this morning.  But they're pampering me!!!

Now I know this is all due to my BCMEP.  They want to make sure that everything is where it should be and doing what it should do.  I'm sure that at best I'll be able to see a sac on Friday, and that is perfect!

So now I sit in my blissful state and wait until I get a call back about my first beta.  I have little doubt that a call won't come and that I'll have to wait until Thursday...but I'm OK with that.  I really am.  Because I get to see what's going on in there on Thursday.  :-) 

I. Am. So. Happy.

Feeling More Confident!

Thank you all for your well wishes and thoughts and prayers yesterday!

The spotting (which was very mild to begin with) seems to have gone away for the past 24 hours.  :-)  The cramping seems to have changed a little.  They don't feel like light AF cramps anymore; they feel like something going on, but not like cramps.  I know that makes no sense but there you have it. 

The sense of peace that I have is wonderful.  I know that it's super early and anything can happen...but that doesn't mean it will.  I just need to remember that for the next 9 weeks.  Because it's been explained to me by friends and family (and the family member shares my OB/Gyn) that I probably won't get an U/S until 13 weeks.  Ouch.  But I'll be OK.  I'll be even better if I can convince my doctor to give me an 8 week U/S to see the heartbeat.  Who knows, I can be awfully annoying when I need to be!

I have to call the office in the morning and see what I have to do.  I honestly don't know if they will want to do a blood test or not.  I'm not going to push for one (OMG?!?!  SHE'S NOT GOING TO DEMAND A BETA?!?!  AMANDA???  REALLY?!?!).  But I need to let them know about my handful of positive tests and get on the schedule and nicely ask for an 8 week U/S.  :-D

13 DPO (this pic and the 11 DPO pic were actually taken in different states.
check out the matching tables!  ewe!)

12 DPO

11DPO

10 DPO - Very Faint Second Line
This pic was taken later that afternoon.
I had to let it dry enough to be able to photograph the line.

I'm a little nervous

10 DPO - Very Faint Second Line
This pic was taken later that afternoon.
I had to let it dry enough to be able to photograph the line.

11DPO - Not as faint, but still not too dark second line.
This pic was taken within the 10 minute read time.

12 DPO - the digital came up in one minute!
The FRER started coming up as soon as the urine ran across it.
This pic was taken within the 10 minute read time, too.

The reason I'm nervous is because I'm only 12DPO.  This can still be chemical, right?  And I've started a little cramping and the tiniest of brown spotting.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a nervous wreck.  I'm nothing like I was with my last BFP.  Though it doesn't help that my primary doctor gave me an antibiotic and antihistamine for this nasty sinus infection the day before I got my first view of a second line this month...and he says that it's OK for pregnancy...but I told him I was only TTC at the moment, not pregnant, yet (and the paperwork said it isn't...but it's Class B).  I think I'll stop by the pharmacy today and double check on my way out of town.

So please, any prayers, good thoughts, etc are very much desired at the moment.  I'm not confident about this at least until I've past the date AF is due.  Then maybe I'll feel a little safer.  But at least I got these lines before 16 DPO like last time!  :-)

Guess what...

Symptoms:

• nausea


• stuffy nose


• exhausted

So guess what I got yesterday???

It's not you...it's me...

Well, no.  Actually it's not me, either.  It's this damned job!  I.  Hate.  My.  Job.  I knew I wasn't happy with the situation, but I just realized how unhappy.  I opened my Google Reader this morning and realized that I had little desire to read.  So I opened my email.  And I had little desire to read or respond.  So I pulled out my work.  Zero desire to do any of that.

So find another job you say?  I just don't want to.  I want to be pregnant and quit my job.  (Mr. W has decided that when I'm pregnant, if work stresses me, then I can quit.)  I want to spend my time being domestic.  I want to cook and clean and sew and take care of babies!  Please don't all laugh at me at once.

How will this all play out?  I've made up my mind that regardless of my pregnancy status, I will not be employed next year.  I haven't worked out all of the details, but it's got to happen.  By then we'll be debt free (except for the mortgage) so it's not like we'll struggle.  The house will be finished and refurnished.  Stick a fork in me, I am done!  It will be an adjustment, but not a struggle. 

So for now I have to work on my attitude (because I've turned into a raging bitch that gets irritated at the most minute things).  I have to work on finding happiness within myself.  Most of all I need to work on letting go things that I cannot change.

---------------

Why is it that it's perfectly acceptable to spend 9 hours a day at a job?  What about time with your family?!  I have 4.5 hours a day that aren't spent working, going to and from work, getting ready for work, or sleeping.  That would break my heart to not be able to spend more time with my children if I had any.  As it is, by the weekend Mr. W and I feel like we haven't spent any time together.  Full time should be 6 hours a day!  :-)

---------------

I'm 7DPO today.  No symptoms to report, which doesn't shock me.  I have had some mild cramping on my right side, which makes me a little nervous.  If something is happening down there, I really don't want it to happen on any one side.  I'd prefer a little cramping in the middle.  But of course, I'm a little paranoid about ectopic.

All in all, I feel very peaceful.  If I don't get a BFP this month, the world will continue to spin.  :-)

***UPDATE***

MY PROGESTERONE WAS 30.9 4DPO!!!!  YAY!!!  This was one of my fears, that I had low progesterone.  I feel so relieved!  Now it's all out of my hands.  :-)

My dog talks

I just wish that I could catch it on video.  I did get her singing (some people may call it howling, but I prefer singing) to me and Mr. w.  She sings for her supper.  No, really, she does.  She starts a few hours before dinner time and sings and yips and growls at us, until it's time to actually be fed.

Notice the construction in the video?  That's our master bedroom and bathroom.  The last rooms to be remodeled.  Yay!

Now I have something to say!

3 good things about my day yesterday:

1. I got hugs and kisses from my niece and nephew.


2. I had my favorite soup, Kickin' Crab and Corn Chowder, for lunch.


3. I didn't do a shred of work after lunch.

My life is good and I need to remember this!  :-)

If you don't have anything nice to say

I've been so down and angry lately.  I don't have any creativity in me.  I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm blah.  Any post I try to write comes out choppy and ridiculous.  Any comment sounds fake to my ears.  I'm trying to blame this on the Clomid, but who really knows.  Maybe it's my old lovely emotional friends showing back up.  After all, I haven't taken anything to stave them off for a very long time.  I had hoped that I had grown out of them.  But again, who knows.  So please don't think too harshly of me that I have barely been commenting and can't come up with a decent post.  Know that I'm still reading and thinking of you all with such warm feelings!!!

Wonderful

What a wonderful day it was!  The year was 2004.  The day was Wednesday April 7.  It was some time after 9:00 pm and I was tucked into my nice comfy bed ready to watch a little TV and drift off into sleep.  A good friend had different plans.  After nagging for at least 10 minutes she finally convinced me to drag my happy ass out of bed to meet her and her boyfriend for a few beers and some pool.  That was the best decision I've ever been coerced into making!

After arriving at the pool hall, my friend and her boyfriend realized that 3 people make an odd group for pool (at least this was what they told me) and decided to find one of his friends to come play.  After searching through his phone (married...out of town...out of town...married...girlfriend...wait, he's separated) he found someone.  This someone happened to also be in bed watching TV and quite reluctant to leave his comfort.  This someone also made a good decision and got out of bed.

I was forwarned that the friend was a little bit of a redneck.  That was a bit of an understatement.  And he was short.  My height exactly.  But wait...he was soooo cute!  And that smile...that twinkle in his eye...

His first impression of me?  "Damn she's skinny!"  And it was a pretty accurrate impression.  5'5" and about 115 lbs (165 cm 52 kg) with a moderate bone structure.  I could have used a sandwhich.

After not a lot of conversation and a few bad games of pool, we were all ready to leave.  My friend convinced me to come with them to her house, even though my poor kitty was locked in my apartment and I had to go to work in the morning. 

A few more beers...one thing lead to another...

Eventually our "fling" turned into love.  Love turned into marriage.

And that's how I met Mr. W.  4 years ago.

 

On a completely different note, I got to see this today:
 

Funny Ha Ha

 

But honestly...I pretty much agree.  :-P

I hate thinking of titles.

Today is CD14 and my cbefm is still showing high, as it has since CD9.  But no O, yet.  Don't worry, though.  I haven't come close to giving up hope.  O is usually CD17.

Let me just say I'm not a big fan of Clomid, though.  This may be situational, but I've been irritable and depressed since a couple of days after starting the damn drug.  Of course my brother broke his leg and had to have surgery (he's doing wonderful, thank you to everyone!), my sister's father-in-law had a heart attack days later and had to have a bypass, my dryer broke, and my brother's wife had to go to the emergency room and got diagnosed with a hiatal hernia and doesn't quite know what to do since they have no insurance.  I think I'm a little tired of reality right now.  But I bought a book and plan on vegging out this weekend and hiding from reality for a little bit.  At least we found out that my brother only has 1 gene for Factor V Leiden mutation.  But I'm not sure of that because I got that news straight from my brother...he doesn't listen, was in pain when it was explained to him, and was heavily drugged by the time he explained it to me.  ***edited*** I spoke with my Dad and apparently my brother has Factor V Leiden Mutation Heterozygous (one gene).

Speaking of blood disorders...does anyone know anything about Factor II Prothrombin (also called Prothrombin 20210A or PT20210 Mutation or Factor II Mutation)?  Or Factor V Leiden?  Those are the blood disorders that seem to run rampant in my family.  Factor II almost killed my dad a few years back.  My cousin lost a twin pregnancy due to Factor V.  A combination of one of these caused my Uncle to lose fingers.  I know the basics about them, but not how serious they are in pregnancy.  I don't know how to get tested for them.  I asked my primary care physician to order a test for them a year ago, but he had never heard of the Factor II and didn't quite know how to write the order.  And apparently I wasn't actually tested for it since all they did was a clotting test.  From all the googling I've done today it seems that it can only truly be determined if you have it by doing a genetic test.  What would you guys do?

But at least it's Friday!  And almost time to go home!  Hooray!

And if you haven't checked this out...now's as good a time as any:

 

 

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