The title really doesn't have anything to do with the post...I just really love that statement. It sounds so hopeful or desperate, depending on what mindset you're in at the moment. I'm a little bit of both right now.
I gave myself a pat on the back yesterday! "You don't even need this Xan.ax! You jumped the gun! You go girl!"
I lied. I spoke too soon. Shortly after my pat-on-the-back I realized I was mistaken. I was wrong.
Last night I was antsy. I woke up this morning to the familiar feeling of needing to vomit. All day I've been...tense, nauseous, wanting to do anything other than what I'm doing.
I don't want to take the meds because they're only a temporary fix. I don't want to go back on meds because I want to go back to TTC after my two month wait. I want to feel better, but I'm not at a place that I can remember how I used to make myself feel better. I want to cry. I want to crawl into bed and cover up and just lay there with my eyes closed, in silence.
I finally got caught up on a lot of overdue blog-reading today. It was actually more comforting that I thought it would be. I didn't have a lot of good comments to leave, like I would have liked, but it was nice. Therapeutic, almost. I feel a little better. I wish I could understand why.
I wish I could understand where this anxiety comes from. The absolute fear and dread...of nothing. I dread going home because my husband may speak to me (wtf???). I dread going to work because I may have to work. I dread going to the sewing class...just because I'd be there.
And I've been here before...but I can't freakin remember how to get out!! And I want out.
9 comments:
As someone who battles anxiety regularly, my best advice is to just let yourself feel. My anxiety gets worse because I worry about being anxious and it just snowballs. So, let yourself feel, let yourself sob for no reason, let yourself curl up under the covers and hide for a weekend and don't worry about it. Just make sure that at some point you allow yourself to feel better, that you get out from under the covers and have a good day. Afterall, we are women and feeling is what we do.
Wow, I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. ((HUGS))
Yeah- anxiety sucks. I hope you feel better soon. :)
If you've been on benzodiazapines regularly for a while, you're quite likely to get some rebound anxiety just as a withdrawl phenomenon, completely unrelated to your underlying state. It may resolve if you feel able to cope waiting it out.
xx
J
thinking and praying for you
I'm thinking good thoughts for you, hang in there.
Re the dahlias, nothing really? I have a shade garden and they just grew? I got lucky I think. However I kept them very very well watered, and I staked them early to keep them upright, and when I got flowers I cut them (I was told more would grow and they did).
(((hugs)))
and thanks for stopping by.
Well, the comment you left on my blog felt like a warm, comforting hug. If you give love and care, you get it back too! Maybe that's why you feel a bit better after reading other blogs... because you shared your love and made me feel so cared for. Thanks so much for that. :)
I forgot to say how I LOVE the picture at the top of this post. Its so much more real than a model-like body, and that makes it 100 times more beautiful for me. Where did you find it?
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