Fat Pants

When Tim and I met (2004) I weighed 110 lbs. I then lost a few pounds due to anxiety. After we settled into a healthy relationship I started gaining a little weight. I was 145 lbs when we got married (a little pudgy, but still healthy for my 5'5" self). After our first pregnancy loss I gained some more weight so I was up to 165 when I got pregnant with the twins. You'd think hyperemesis would have kept the weight off, but it didn't. As soon as I found something I could keep down, I did just that. I weighed almost 200 lbs after they were born. I was able to lose down to the 160's with some help from Weight Watchers. Then we decided to try for another baby and had our second loss. I put on a few more pounds. By the time Aedan was born I weighed 200 lbs again. And I kept gaining. At 215 lbs I decided I'd had enough.

I've dieted over my lifetime, but that doesn't quite work for me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life counting calories or points or anything like that. What I do want to do is kick in my self control and only eat when hungry and watch my portions. There's no reason for me to eat two servings of dinner just because it tastes good! I want to drink more water (not that I drink a whole lot else anyway). I want to be the better example for my children!

Weight issues run all through our families, so they have that working against them already. We can see from Jack's build he'll fight weight, but if he's anything like his Daddy he'll stay so active he'll be able to eat what he wants as long as he doesn't mind being built like a bulldog. Trip seems to take after the men in my family (lucky duck) and will probably be able to eat any and everything he wants and stay stick thin until he's in his 30's. Then he'll have to watch it a tiny bit and make sure to stay active. Aedan is such a mix that I can't begin to guess.

But me? I gain weight just thinking about a cracker. I fought anorexia throughout my late teens and twenties. Then I fought overeating. Food is just too much of a crutch for me. And that has to stop. Now.

So I'm losing weight! I started pushing my plate away after one serving or when I was full whichever came first. I stopped finishing what the kids didn't eat from their plates. I drank a glass of water instead of eating a snack when it was close to meal time. I'm making myself do what is healthy and right. For me. For my husband. For my kids. But mostly for me. I've lost 20lbs so far!

Just a few days ago I signed up at MyFitnessPal.com. It allows me to track my caloric intake, my excercise (hahahahaha), and my weight. It allows me to connect with my friends to give and receive much needed and appreciated support. Most of all, it helps me hold myself accountable for what I eat. I use the calorie counter as a guide (instead of a goal). I love it!

So soon, I'll be saying goodbye to all of my fat pants and hello to a healthier and happier me!

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter

Um

I really don't know what to blog about right now. I could talk about W.W., but I don't feel like it. I am down a little bit more in weight (you can track me here).

The boys are growing like little boys will and learning new things every day. They figure out new ways to melt my heart and drive me up a wall all the time.

We're trying to get pregnancy, but I don't really want to focus on it too much. This is the first month we've tried to hit possible days and I've got sticks for my fertility monitor starting next cycle.

I've been crocheting a lot lately. Tim seems to have calmed down about it some (he felt it took up too much of my time for a while).  I guess since I really have nothing to say, I'll leave you with a picture of something I finished yesterday.

Big Grin

Week 1 of Weight Watchers down! Woo-hoo!

*

*ignore the lb-to-go part

Yay!

I am so excited with how my weight loss is going!  I even managed to wear a pre-pregnancy shirt yesterday and can squeeze into my old jeans!

My Weight Chart:


My right-now-goal is to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight by the time we go to Disney World (06/01).  I've only got 6 pounds left for that goal.  I'm sure I'll gain a little bit of weight back on vacation, but that's fine with me.

Score!

Check out my very first ticker on this page.  I am so happy and so proud of myself!  What I don't understand is how I lost 4lbs this past week.  I cheated more than one day.  I guess I was more active than usual, though.  I must get back into walking with the boys every day!

On a non-score note...I've been damn near absent in the blog-reading/commenting category.  The PPD is still present and eating away at me.  I think I need to call the doc to see about upping the meds.  Tim is also out of town with work for 1-2 weeks.  The boys and I are starting our 3rd day sans-Daddy.  I wasn't aware of just how much of a break he gave me when he got home from work.  I give major kudos to all the single Moms out there (this includes the military wives whos husbands are deployed and situations like that)!

Ramblings and semi-updates

Sorry for being so MIA.  I know been less than two weeks since I've posted, but I've barely been reading or commenting.  I'm bad, I know.

Right now I feel like hibernating.  I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months.  I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal.  I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.

I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well.  The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits.  She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much.  She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed.  I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats.  Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult.  Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.

I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position.  They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse.  This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible.  I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B.  She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary.  She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section.  I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks.  That was honestly a relief.  All in all it was a very good appointment.

I scheduled my birthing classes.  Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class.  I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November.  I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.

Braxton Hicks suck.  I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon.  Then it kind of hit me.  Duh.  But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them.  I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down.  It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work.  Apparently a desk job is just too much right now.  Seriously?  Yup, seriously.  And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen).  She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended.  She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day.  Um...does she have that option at her job?  Really.  Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work.  I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes.  At this point what can they say?  You're fired...hahahahah!  That would be hilarious, actually.  I'd like to see them train my replacement.

Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene.  Everything below the belly button looks shredded.  Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children.  He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back."  Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back.  I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it.  I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless.  Yeah yeah yeah.  Whatever.

Well, I've rambled enough.  Now I'm going to go to bed.  I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!

The rest of the visit

• Everything looks wonderful with the boys.  The doctors still have my due date as 12/27 (instead of 12/27) so that would mean that Baby A is measuring a couple of days ahead and Baby B is measuring right on time.  Baby A weighs approximately 9 ounces and Baby B weighs approximately 8 ounces.  :-)


• My cervix looks really good.  They said anything over 3 is good and mine is measuring "well over 4". 


• I saw a midwife for this visit and will see her a lot during the rest of the pregnancy.  She was wonderful and answered all of my (and Mr. W's) questions. 


• My fundal height is 29 cm.  It amused me to watch the midwife take the measurement.  She laid the tape down, moved it up a little, moved it up a little more, moved it up a little more, then said "Oh.  29 cm.  You don't look that big!  You must have a lot of room in there."  I'm not growing outwards quite as much as I"m growing upwards at the moment.  Which completely explains why I feel the little buggers' feet right below my ribcage at the moment. 


• They're being nice and using my lowest pregnancy weight as my starting weight.  (My lowest documented weight is 153 lbs, 9 lbs down from my starting weight.  Mr. W and I are sure that I lost more weight than that since I wasn't weighed again for 7 1/2 weeks.)  This still means that I'm behind on weight gain, though.  The practice did a study (based on someone else's study) and found that mother's of twins that gain 40 - 50 lbs have the healthiest pregnancies with the healthiest babies.  By 24 weeks I should have gained a total of 24 lbs.  At this last appointment, right over 18 weeks, I had only gained 8 1/2 lbs.  I have been asked to do my best to gain around 2 lbs a week for a little while.  This is a really hard thing for me right now due to my continuing nausea and also due to history of anorexia.  The thought of purposely gaining weight is just daunting.  I'm supposed to try protein shakes, smoothies with protein powder added in, and carnation instant breakfast with fruit and stuff added in.  She said my fairly high carb diet is OK, but that I've really got to try and get more protein in.  I think I'm going to buy a scale to help me keep track.


• I've been told that I'm not really on any restrictions per se, but they don't want me doing any more walking than I normally do throughout the day.  There goes my idea of going on walks with Mr. W if the nausea would ever calm down.  (Getting even slightly heated up makes the nausea much worse.)  I've also been told that I'm not allowed to vaccuum.  Something about the repetitive motion or something.  She told me to rest during the day (suuuureeee...my job would love that).  I explained that I usually come home from work and plant my ass on the couch because I'm wiped out.  She said that was fine.


• I got them to test my iron level to see if I need the supplements that they gave me.  I haven't been taking them because of the issues with my stomach and intestines and would like to continue not taking them unless they're necessary.  The midwife said she agreed and that if the test said I was fine then I didn't need to concern myself.  She seemed a little curious as to why I was on them in the first place since my original blood work was completely normal.  She also said they'd test me later on in the pregnancy, also.


• I'll be going in every two weeks with ultrasounds to check growth every 4 weeks.  At my next ultrasound they'll also do a more detailed heart scan on both of the boys since they'll be able to see better.

I'm really beginning to get excited!  I know that is probably hard to understand for a lot of people (that I haven't been really excited until now), but as miserably sick as I've been for so long...it gets really hard.  I have found myself sobbing on more than one occasion due to the nausea and vomiting.  But with furniture arriving, and the house getting finished, and seeing my boys on the screen...even the nausea can't take away those joys.  :-)