This is a work in progress. And please, remember I'm angry and don't have anything/one to be angry with, so I may as well take it out on the unsuspecting friends/family members that just don't get it. I know it's not their fault.
Since Friday I have realized, even more so, the difference between the IF community and the non-IF world. It's amazing some of the things that people say to you that they somehow imagine to be comforting. Here are the ones that I didn't block out completely. I'll add more as they come my way because we all know, they'll continue to come.
- "Don't go into panic mode. This doesn't mean you can't have kids. 'Cause I know so many people who started putting all this money into infertility..." I interrupted at this point and gave a very brief explanation of my knowledge of my IF.
- "At least you know you can get pregnant." Yes, Thank you. And I know I can miscarry too. Should that make me feel better, too?
- "It's probably for the best. You were so anxious!" I explained that my anxiety was due to diminishing symptoms and weak HPTs. And she only saw me anxious on the DAY I miscarried.
When will they learn that there is nothing that makes it easier. And all of their assvice doesn't help; it's actually quite upsetting. So far, the most comforting things I've heard are, "I'm sorry" and "I'm praying for you" and "I'm here for you" and variations of those sentiments.
5 comments:
Oh, yes, the idiotic comments abound!
I really believe people say these stupid things to make themselves feel better. Because they feel they have to say something.
If anything I hope IF has made me a more sensitive and empathetic person.
I am sorry and you are in my thoughts.
Gosh ... Wow ... intelligence at it's fine-est. I am still thinking of you
Oh, to have salt rubbed in the wound! Thank you very much, fertile community for all your kind thoughts.
Sorry, I am kind of angry myself today. You deserve to get comforting works right now.
They just don't get it. Doesn't mean we're wrong or wanting to stab their eyes out, though.
I'm sorry they can't be more supportive. I found myself saying a flat out "that's not helpful" when someone would say something inane.
I'm so sorry that you are having to listen to the insensitive comments of others. It is truly amazing to see the 'dancing around' that people do when they are uncomfortable but feel it necessary to say something. Unfortunately, it would be so much better if everyone would just relax. Yeah, that's it - tell those people to "just relax". I think it is high time we turn the tables on the relaxation movement. :)
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