Just one of those things

So I finally had one of those reactions. All my IF friends know what I'm talking about. The life-isn't-fair-why-is-it-easy-for-them-kicking-screaming-crying moment.

My mom called today to let me know that my evil SIL was going to the hospital in the morning. "She didn't know" that she was pregnant and only found out because of some serious abdominal pain that sent her to the hospital. A urine test showed positive for pregnancy, but the US showed nothing in the right places. So now they think it's ectopic. She has to go in the morning to have "uterus scrapings" and to see if it's in her tubes. If so they'll have to remove it.

I cried. And cried. And I'm ready to cry right now. I'm an evil horrible insensitive bitch...but why can she and my loser brother have babies without even trying and I cannot!!??!!??!!?? Now my logical side kicked in as soon as the words were out, but the thought and feeling are still there.

This is the conversation between brain and heart:

Brain: "Now Amanda...Poor SIL is not having a baby. She is going through a tough time. She is losing a baby. You know you feel badly for her."
Heart: "Bitch"
Brain: "How would you feel if it were you. And remember, you love your brother. Even if you don't give a crap about SIL, you know he's heartbroken"
Heart: "They both suck as parents. They already have one neglected child that they weren't trying for 9 years ago"
Brain: "Didn't Mom tell you that SIL was told she could never have kids. Don't you realize that puts you and her in the same boat. Didn't you hear that SIL and brother wanted another child."
Heart: "They are crap! They don't deserve the child that they have! They didn't want the child that they have! And she got knocked up on accident both times!!! Why can worthless people get knocked up on accident and so many who are so worth it and so want it can't even pay for it!?!?!?! Why!?!?!?! Where is the fairness in this!?!?!?! When is it my turn? When is it her turn? Or her turn? Or her turn? When???!!! Why do we have to go through so many invasive-unnatural things to even come close to obtaining our goals!?!?!?! WHY WHEN WHY WHEN" trail off into random tears at this point


Brain: "Grow up. Life isn't fair. And what are you complaining about! You haven't done IUI or IVF or even had an HSG, yet!"
Heart: "AF is 3 or less days away. 2 1/2 years of accidents waiting to happen and they haven't. A few months of POAS to see if the elusive O is happening. Knowing that a phone call to move on to the next step is days away. And don't forget about the past. Don't forget about trying years ago. Don't forget about the "chemical pregnancy" the "early-term miscarriage". DON'T FORGET!" trail off into more tears

Brain: "Get over it."
Heart: "Fuck you."