Doubt doubt doubt.....And fear. They seem to be what rule me right now. And since my OB/Gyn feels that there's no need for a beta or scan or anything until my first exam on 10/04. And it's driving me nuts. I mean on the verge of panic attacks.
I have minimal symptoms. No more symptoms that I do when I'm pms-ing. The little things that I can't relate to something like pms I can relate to anxiety and nerves.
And last night I started the slightest of spotting. And brown non-the-less. But did it comfort me that this is normal? NO! Did I sleep last night? NO! Did I POAS this morning? yes. Did it help comfort me to see the digital "pregnant" NO!!!!!
So I'm doing what I can to hold it together.
Now the "wonderful" husband doesn't understand any of this. He doesn't understand why I can't help him move the furniture or paint the office. He doesn't understand why I'm moody and stressed. And I don't understand why he doesn't understand. His mom "did everything" while she was pregnant. Seriously?!?! Do we really want to go there?
So if you pray, your prayers would be appreciated. I know you all think, so your thoughts would be appreciated, too. Thank you so much for letting me verbally vomit in front of you.
***Update***
After walking in the door and getting snapped at by the "working-on-it" husband, it was on! Let the tears begin. After a few minutes of him ignoring the fact that I was in the other room crying, he ventured near me. I don't know how the topic started, but my waterfall opened and I poured out everything that I've already shared with you. Then I told him how much he hurt me by saying that I'm "over-reacting" by not being willing to paint or move furniture. I then told him that I am terrified because I have no clue what is going on in my body right now and that I need his support. I think I repeated about a dozen more times that I need his support and how scared I am. All of this through tears...while he held me and let me cry. Then he said a few sweet things and it was done. Let's hope things get better, I think they will. Oh...then a couple of minutes later I started crying again out of the blue and then had to laugh when I tried to tell him that I'm "emotional right now". Now I'm crying again. 9 months of crying? I better start drinking a lot more water!!!
4 comments:
This is just the most terrifying time. We are not prepared to handle this and should be able to sleep through the first trimester.
Holy crap - no beta? I would lose my shit. I do have to wait until 10/5 for my first u/s though, so let's wait it out together!
Do you want me to write you a note to give your husband excusing you from any heavy lifting, painting, or anything else you don't want to do?
prayn for you and huby
[...] get me wrong, I’m not a nervous wreck. I’m nothing like I was with my last BFP. Though it doesn’t help that my primary doctor gave me an antibiotic and antihistamine for [...]
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