Give me an inch...

And apparently I completely disregard your feelings in all matters.  No really, this seems to be the case with Mr. W.

I really haven't meant to disregard Mr. W's feelings in a lot of things, but it appears I have.  He's so kind, loving, giving, and easy going that I didn't know I was doing it.  He didn't feel well the other night, so was a little more open with some of his concerns.

For years I have known that when I had a baby my mother would come and stay with me for the first week and basically do anything I asked to help.  She did this with my sister both times and was considered a God-send.  I knew that I would want this.  I knew that this would happen.  This was merely a fact, not something that would ever be debated.  Apparently Mr. W isn't actually all on board with this.

A few nights ago, when something is mentioned about my parents coming into town next week, Mr. W says something about how he's not very excited about this.  I ask him to elaborate and basically what he tells me is that he's concerned that he won't be able to hold his children when he wants to.  I'm sure there's a little more to it than that, but that's as far as he would go.  I offered to have my parents come at a later time or to have them stay with my sister, but he declined.  He said that this is something that he new I wanted and that he had known about since we started trying to have children.

I tried to convince him that my Mom would be completely out of our way.  Knowing my Mom and having spoken with my Sister, I know that she won't do anything she's not asked to do and would never overstep any boundaries.  Mr. W's family can be quite pushy (his Mom always buys glasses and place-mats and things that she feels we need when she visits...as if we wouldn't go get them ourselves if they were necessary or if we actually wanted them) so maybe this is where his fear comes in.  I also think that he is completely oblivious about the reality of having a newborn in the house, much more so about having two of them.

My Sister has assured me that he will completely change his mind after the boys arrive, since her husband had reservations also but ended up crying when she left.  My Sister and I have also decided that if he decides, after any amount of time, that he isn't happy with her here then her and my Dad can hop across town and spend the rest of the week at my Sister's house.  I've already let him know that this is an option, if he so chooses, and that I respect whatever choice he makes.

Another issue that I didn't think to consult him about until our childbirth class is circumcision.  We're having two boys and I didn't think to ask their Father if he was comfortable with having them circumcised?!?!?!  Really?  What was I thinking (or not thinking)?  We are on the same page, but I didn't ask until I was in my third trimester.  I'm pretty sure this is something that I should have thought about talking with him about.  Instead, the topic comes up in class and I lean over to him and whisper, "You do want to circumcise the boys, don't you?"

Since the other night I have realized that I really need to work on the fact that I am not the only one involved in this pregnancy.  He may not be carrying the boys, but he is very interested in what is going on.  He loves these children no less than I do and also wants what is best for them.  Mr. W has gone above and beyond the call of duty in taking care of me for the past eight months.  He is as excited as I am about their arrival.  He is a good man, a smart and loving man, and will be a wonderful father.  I cannot continue to make decisions without him.

On another Mr. W and the boys front, he is wearing himself ragged.  He has worked so hard to get the house finished in time; he has worked so hard taking care of me; he has been pretty much the sole housekeeper and majority cook; he has taken on many extra duties at work.  Mr. W seems to be at the end of his seemingly endless energy.  The other morning he came home from PT (physical training, work required exercise, usually includes many miles of running and other exercises three times a week) and looked like death warmed over.  He actually had to pull off the road while he was coming home because he thought he was going to pass out.  Why?  Exhaustion.  Daily his coloring looks worse. 

I am so worried about him.  He won't stop or even slow down.  Yesterday went to work, took off of work to run me around to appointments, pushed me around in a wheelchair while we shopped (yes I require a wheelchair if I go shopping, walking any further than around my house or standing for more than a few minutes at a time is quite painful), came home and ran new A/V component wires through the wall, crawled under the house a few times to finish the wiring job, and swept the downstairs.  This was a slow day for him.  On any given day he works from 7am to 4pm or so, cleans the kitchen, cooks dinner, sweeps the downstairs, builds something or another and/or works on something for someone else, does laundry, takes breaks to play with our love-starved dogs, and waits on me hand and foot.   I try to do what I can so there's not as much for him to do, but I'm pretty limited.  Plus, he actually gets upset with me if I do more than he thinks I should.

The other week, when he was on 3rd shift but also having to go in during the day to do his extra duties, I was supposed to wake him up at 10am.  I knew he was very tired so I didn't bother him until almost noon.  I was out running errands, so luckily wasn't home to make sure he got up.  I got home sometime around 5pm and found him just waking up.  He had slept for 17 hours.  He didn't wake up to go to the bathroom or eat.  He didn't even remember me calling.  He had been asleep since about midnight the night before.

As I'm typing this Mr. W is gently snoring in the recliner where he fell asleep around 2pm.  I'm not waking him up until dinner is ready.  Hopefully after dinner I can keep him from starting on all the projects he told me earlier that he wanted to do today.  I know he's afraid that something won't get done before the boys get here (hello???  no one is going to be looking at our floors if they come over!), but what good will he be to them if he gets so worn down that he gets sick.  My poor baby.

So, if you've made it this far, and advice on (a) how to help Mr. W feel more involved (b) how to get me to quit being so self centered (c) how to get Mr. W to take a break?