It happened...

It happened 3 1/2 years ago. It could have happened yesterday, and I'd still feel the same about it. How could you do it? Why did you do it?

I loved you at one point. I even thought at one point that you were "the one". When you said you didn't love me anymore, my world began to crumble. But I moved on. I created a better life. I became happy. I even met someone new. I didn't know where things would take me, but I was very satisfied with where I was.

Then I saw you again. I had been dreading this moment since our life together ended. All the dreading seemed to be for nothing, though. When I saw you...the feelings were gone! There was no love there. There was no pain there. The only things left were the memories of the good times we had. I knew that we could truly be friends, and I was elated!

We hung out. We talked about the turns our lives had each taken in the year since we had last seen each other. You had moved on, like I had. You made a joke about us having ex-sex. I laughed at your joke and told you no. We had a good time.

We drank. I trusted you. After all, we were friends. You're supposed to trust your friends. I didn't know how much I was drinking, though. The drink was good and my glass was never empty! We hung out with other friends. We all went swimming.

I got drunk.

I passed out.

You raped me.

I know you raped me, because I had a few moments of not-quite-full consciousness. You were on top of me as I lay there unable to move. You raped me.

At one point afterwards, one of the times I woke up, you told me you still loved me. How could you do that to me? How could you take from me? After all you had taken from me the year before, after what you had just done to me, how could you say that?

And you meant it. I heard it in your voice.

When I finally woke up enough to move, I ran from you.

When I saw you next, I asked you why. You told me I wanted it. You told me that as I lay there passed out (where you put me...next to you), that I moved my hips against you.

But you were lying. I did not want you. I did not want to have sex with you. I did not want you to rape me as I lay unconscious where you put me.

It was my bad choice to trust you. It was my bad choice to drink with you. It was my fault that I passed out.

But I said "no" when you jokingly asked while I was sober. And I did not "black out" and give consent...I passed out. I was not conscious. There was no consent.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.