Not quite as I had planned - updated with pic

I had my first OB appointment and real ultrasound for this pregnancy today.  I am currently 7w6d.  The Nugget is only measuring 5w6d and the heartbeat is too weak to measure (for the record, at 5w6d a too weak to measure heartbeat is perfectly fine).  Two weeks behind. This is not good.

The very cheery ultrasound tech informs me that I must have my dates wrong.  I am pretty damn sure my dates are fine; it's the baby that's not.  For the baby to be OK I would have to have conceived right around 12/10...you know...the day I had a beta of 68.  Pretty sure that didn't happen.  She was cheery and positive nonetheless. I appreciate her optimism.  I honestly do.

The doctor was a bit more realistic.  He didn't schedule me for another OB appointment, just another ultrasound.  He wanted to wait two weeks, but Tim will be out of the country in two weeks. I cannot go to my next ultrasound without him.  He also mentioned the yolk sac size vs the embryo size and used the lovely word "chromosomal".  Yeah...large sac small baby...genetically not right, I get it.

So for now I sit and wait for a miracle.  I'm not very good at waiting or at optimism.  I'm a realistic type of person.  Tim is being wayyyy optimistic and I'm trying to not crush his spirit.  I'd really like to go ahead and see if my Mom can come into town in two weeks so I can have someone here to let me be a big baby if I have to get a D&C.

The worst part?  Seeing that little flickering heart.  She let us look at it for a couple of minutes...it was both beautiful and heartbreaking.  I think I would have rather not seen a heartbeat at all.  She also gave us a picture.  Proof that my Nugget was here.

But I am still grateful for things.  I'm grateful that after this horrible day I still have to beautiful little ones to come home to.  I'm grateful to have a husband that is so supportive and hopeful.  I'm grateful that this happened after I had my boys instead of before.  I had a moment in 5 Guys (burger joint) after the appointment where I heard a little baby and turned around to see a beautiful little girl in a carrier.  I almost cried until it hit me like a brick that whether or not I get to keep this baby, I still have my boys.  Thank you God!  (don't get me wrong, this hurts like hell and I'd love to curl into a ball and sob, but it IS easier at this point than my first loss.)

So, if you pray, please pray for my Nugget.  If you don't pray, I could still use all the good thoughts and well wishes you would be willing to give.

[caption id="attachment_1345" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="The Nugget at 7w6d Measuring 5w6d - Sorry for the blurriness, she had to zoom in majorly to get the shot."][/caption]

Danifred could also use some love right now.  She went in for an ultrasound only to find out the baby had quit growing.