Click the picture above to read the full story of Infertility's Common Thread.I got my wonderful "common thread" bracelet from DMarie at Bella Vida many months ago, but haven't written about it until now. I found out about Infertility's Common Thread not too long after i began blogging; which was not too long after I began accepting that infertility was a part of my life. Receiving this little bracelet meant so much to me. I felt like I belonged somewhere. I felt as if I was not alone; there were people who understood my pain and fear.
I had my husband tie on my bracelet a day or so after I got it. I was proud to wear it. Proud that I was not ashamed. Then I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
It took at least a few weeks before anyone asked me what it was or what it meant. And when I told anyone, I was quickly brushed off. Strangely enough, not even my family wanted to face what I was facing. Infertility. But that was OK. if they asked, I told them. If they didn't listen, I didn't really care. I was proud to wear my bracelet.
Strangely enough I woke up (from one of my many many naps) yesterday to find that my bracelet was missing. I found it on the arm of the couch in a twisted little mess. It had broken right in the middle and was done.
Of course, being who I am I'm looking for the symbolism in this. I could automatically think that since I find myself a day shy of 9 weeks pregnant with twins that IF is behind me now. But it's not. We all know this. Infertility will be with me for a very long time, if not forever. I have a long way to go before this pregnancy will have the chance to yield me one or two take home babies. I have a long time to go before my body will be able to prove to me that it does not always fail me. I have a long time to go before I can put Infertility behind me. I hope the day comes that the pain of Infertility will not haunt me or scare me like it does now. As it stands now I feel like I'm teetering between a really good place and a pit of hell...and maybe the bracelet breaking was just the mojo I needed to fall to one side.
Now where is that little skein of pomegranate thread I bought?
26 comments:
it's funny how our brains work
Yep, IF is like a mental tattoo, you get used to it, you get over it, but you never forget about it!
It's a part of what defines us and shapes the way we view the world, for one thing, we all look at babies differently from the rest of the world! Today, tomorrow, together, forever!
Sounds like some powerful strong symbolism to me!
Congrats on 9 weeks! I agree with Maritza-it is a total mental tattoo!
I think you're right, even when you get pregnant - the infertility doesn't leave us. I think it's always there lurking a little bit. But I'm glad you're almost 9 weeks, that's great!
Congrats on 9 weeks! What great news!
Funny how things happen at the most meaningful times, isn' tit?
I LOVE those bracelets. I need to get one. Congrats on your PG with twins!! So exciting. I think once we are infertiles we will always be, even when we do have children, it has kinda become apart of us!
Take care.
NaComLeavMo
NaComLeavMo
Congrats on 9 weeks, I love the common thread idea too, and am hoping someday i can wear my bracelet with pride too
Congrats on 9 weeks! I always try to find meaning in seemingly random events too. If anything, even if you haven't moved on from IF, maybe the thread breaking means you don't need the thread to remind you and others?
I'm so glad you posted the site you bought the bracelet. I've been looking for one too!
Here from NaComLeavMo, and wanted to congratulate you on 9 weeks! IF doesn't ever leave, but it won't always weigh on you as heavily as it has in the past.
I had one of them too! And it took forever for someone to notice! A lot of people thought it was a religious thing! Mine fell off a few weeks before my due date and I was so sure that something would go wrong too! But everything was fine and that little boy just turned a year old on the 3rd of May!
I hope that the break will mean that you are set up for a great pregnancy. Congrats on 9 weeks!! I'm pulling for you!! (here from nacomleavmo)
Congrats on 9 weeks! (I wish I could order a bracelet, but here in Cairo I NEVER receive my mail UNLESS its via FEDEX) Congrats again my friend, you're one of the lucky ones....
Congrats on 9 weeks. I hope the bracelet falling off was a good omen for you.
Congrats on reaching 9 weeks!! It's definitely odd that things happen at what seem like very appropriately symbolic times.
I've been meaning to make myself one of those bracelets.
I too got a bracelet from Dmarie oh so long ago. I wanted to wait to put it on until I felt that I could deal with talking about our IF story. Of course, by the time I was ready, I had lost the bracelet. I need to get to the fabric store and buy some pomegranate thread.
I share your fear of being haunted by infertility forever, even after acquiring our family one way or another. Great post!
Mine broke off so long ago. I completely lost it - I wish I found mine!
Wow - already 9 weeks with those babies. Crazy!!!
Funny how people react when they don't know how to relate. We've come so far with understanding in other diseases and conditions, such as cancer, etc., why can't we talk as openly about infertility. I find people just brush me aside..."oh, it will all work out," they never want to talk realistically about the fact that we might NOT have kids...oh well...
Here from NCLM! Glad to read your blog!
I know what you mean about people brushing you off when you tell them about IF. I spent a lot of time wondering why I felt so guilty about being infertile, then it hit me...it's because people act like you have the plague or something. How else are we supposed to feel?
congrats on the babies and i say screw em if they can't be bothered to care about your health!
Congrats on 9 weeks!!!
NCLM
I love this post. Congratulations on your twins! IF does stay with you, but it changes shape. I hope and pray that the bracelet breaking is a sign of this shift.
I really loved this post and how you expressed the feelings inside you right now. Congrats on your babies, I will be praying they stick like velcro!
I keep meaning to get me some of that embroidery floss and make myself a bracelet. I love the idea of it, because it's so true. I see a pregnant women and automatically assume it was easy for them. Or, I should say I used to.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
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