I remember talking to my Mom the other day comparing this pregnancy with the boys. I told her finding out I was pregnant and it was twins was "like a dream come true"! It was amazing and wonderful and all the other good things you use to describe events like that.
But it wasn't how I'd planned. It was work. I was lucky that we managed to conceive the boys pretty much the old fashioned way, but OMG the chore of having sex at that point! I know too many of you know what I mean. It was a chore to have sex at that point and on more than one occasion Tim and I wished we could just skip the sex part and go right to the rolling over and going to sleep part. But it worked and I was happy.
I told her this pregnancy was like "waking up to a dream". Tim and I had sex because we wanted to be intimate with each other...because we were in the mood. And it made a life! THIS is how we all dream it will be. And it happened to me!
But now this dream feels like some kind of fucked up nightmare that you can't wake up from. You don't know if you're going to run out of the abandoned building and run into a field of flowers or a field of rotting corpses. The sense of foreboding is overwhelming, but you can't help but hope for those stupid flowers.
Right now I'm full of hope (thank you everyone for your love and support, you mean so much to me!) but can't shake the feeling that I'm about to walk into the wrong field. I'd really like to wake up, now. I'd like to wake up to my before, please. Before the positive test. Before the asshole doctor on base. Before the ER trip and being told "the baby is in the uterus". Before the overly cheery ultrasound technician yesterday.
7 comments:
Gah, I am so sorry. You have every right to that dream. I am sorry it is turning into a nightmare. It isn't fair and I am hoping SO badly that the dream continues.
Oh sweetie. I wish it didn't have to be like this. It's like you think you make it through the trenches once because you have 2 (!) sweet babies, but then this crap comes up and smacks us all over again. I'm so hopeful for you and Nugget. xo
It really sucks that there is nothing any of us can say or do to make it better at this point. I wish there was. I know that excited feeling of the first ultrasound and then the let down when things go wrong. It's has to be one of the worst feelings in the world, but every situation like yours doesn't always end that way. Just because one dream came true does not mean that it can't come true again. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I hope your dream comes true.
I am certainly thinking about you all. We will send all the prayers we can gather your way. Hugs...
Just want to let you know I'm hoping this all ends with a wonderful dream come true.
Thinking of you!
I'm soooo sorry you are having to go through this. The waiting is so incredibly difficult. We've been through that twice, the whole wait and see if things develop, stage. Sooo, so hard.
I'm glad you have two little ones to come home to though, and I could definitely see how it would be easier to have them and then go through this, verses the other way around.
That said, I know these things can go either way and I will defintely be thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome.
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