I'm pms-ing. That's not good. And I know that so many pms symptoms are so similar to BFP symptoms...but there's no way. These aren't "something's happening" cramps...they're AF cramps. These aren't "mood swings" these are get-away -from-me-before-i-kill-you-and-hide-your-body-in-the-freezer moods. And that depresses the absolute hell out of me.
I don't even want to talk to anyone IRL about it. I don't want to remind those that know that this ends my "all-natural" baby making. (Come on...really...what's natural about peeing on a stick for 10 - 20 days a month, timing sex, and using special lubricants?) I know it's only Clomid, but it's more than I wanted. Yeah, so what. I know. But it's breaking my heart. I. Don't. Want. This.
So while I'm thinking about what I need to do to make sure that I can get the prescription for Clomid in time, I'm beginning to figure out what I need to do to do an IUI...and that leads me (in my mind) to IVF. I can't plan one without beginning planning for the other. It's a vicious cycle that I can't get out of. And I find myself thinking about these things all the time. As if planning is giving me some form of control. The worst part of this is that my mind never takes a break from it. I'm exhausted. I want to think about something else for a while...maybe just an hour.
Now on a completely different note:
Thank you all so much for your support with the dentist's appointment. It really went better than I expected. I was so excited by talking about my braces that the not-being-pregnant didn't really bother me too much. But the love and support I got from you guys made it even better. Just in case no one has told you today...YOU ROCK!
9 comments:
If you are not ready for clomid - then wait. Don't do it. Wait until you are comfortable with your decisions that may never have to include clomid, iui's or ivf. I know that you do not want to talk to anyone irl - just know that I am thinking of you and am here for you when you do want to talk to someone in real life if you every want to. It is mentally exhusting and I wish i had a magic wand to make it all better
I remember when I went from going "natural" (as you said - WHAT is natural about it!) to IUIs, to IVF. It was hard to make the jump, but once I was in it, I was IN IT. We will all be here for you. I remember always saying I will NEVER do anything "extraordinary" to get pregnant. I got over that one pretty quick!
That sucks. I'm sorry.
And I am glad your dentist appointment was better than you thought! It's always nice to have something go better than expected for a change.
Boo. I hate those AF symptoms. Before I knew it wasn't possible, I would always try to talk myself into thinking they were pregnancy symptoms.
Hi there! I wandered over to your blog from Trace's. Just wanted to let you know that you have another "cyster" rooting for you. And for the record...my pregnancy symptoms were EXACTLY the same as PMS symptoms. Everyone's different...you never know.
Well, from someone who is doing something you say you never would want to do, I don't know what kind of support to offer. I'm sorry you are feeling so much turmoil. I hope you are able to feel peace about your future.
By the way, my pre-bfp cramps felt ~exactly~ like PMS cramps. So much in fact, I stopped obsessing and just waited for AF. After 18 cycles, you'd think I'd of tested, but it was SO MUCH EXACTLY like AF, I didn't. I didn't even test until 17dpo or something crazy like that.
Hey Girl,
I'm so sorry. I hate those "cramps." I'm sorry your moody. Haven't we all been there before. Take a break, have a tv drama marathon, uncork a bottle of wine, and just melt into your sofa. Life just sucks sometimes, huh? I'm right there with you chicka. Keep your head up!
I hate the 2WW, and I hate PMS, and I hate cramps. That all sucks, and I'm sorry you're dealing with it.
It is tough to face the reality that 'natural' just isn't working as it should. But things keep rolling on and it's not so bad on the 'unnatural' side.....
Sorry for the PMSing,
J
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