We've been bickering (not really fighting, but constant bickering) a lot lately. It feels like he's angry at me all the time, and I don't know why. He makes constant comments about things I'm doing wrong or not doing, but won't come right out and tell me what it is he thinks I should be doing. On the other hand, his constant negativity is about to drive me up a wall. He is constantly working on one project or another then complaining because he doesn't think he spends enough time with the kids. Whenever he sits down long enough to do anything with the boys he ends up laying down and falling asleep on the couch. His tone and attitude are poisoning the house.
I expressed a lot of this to him last night and his response was that our sex life sucks. Why yes, yes it does! The combination of my low self esteem and his complete negativity kills any sex drive I could ever muster up. Who wants to get all romantic right after their husband has finished slamming a door because "nothing ever goes right!!!!"? Give me a break! And as far as my self esteem goes? Well...my weight isn't helping (or going down because I just don't want to diet right now). You know what else doesn't help? Having a husband that gets pissed off because I haven't gone to the grocery store (did I blog about that yet?) then turns around and grabs my ass like I'm a piece of meat? Kind of makes a girl think the only reason she's around is to cook and put out.
So we had a long talk last night and didn't seem to get anything resloved. He said he still wanted to try for another, but feels the only reason we have sex it to conceive (ummm...sure...because sex 6 days before earliest possible ovulation has a chance. yeah). I told him that I didn't think adding another baby would help our stress levels. I'm concerned about our marriage and don't want to add anymore to our plates.
Then today I get this:
Tim was supposed to be out of town for my peak fertile days this month, but it didn't happen. I don't know of another cycle that I ovulated before CD17.
My last miscarriage happened 6 months ago yesterday. I would have been 35 weeks tomorrow. I wonder what state our marriage and my mental health would be in if the baby had been healthy.
11 comments:
Oh Girly! Big hugs to you right now! I feel ya on the dumbass husband. Mine is totally under my skin right now!
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Life and marriage is hard enough without adding the stress of infertility to the mix.
I hope you and Tim can get some things resolved. You've got a lot on your plate with those two busy boys.
Sending you lots and lots of hugs!!!!!
Love ya!
All the men of our blogging community need to go on a retreat together. Maybe its the phase of the moon? The summer heat?
Thinking of you, my dear.
I'm so sorry. I've had my share of marital strife lately, so I have a fresh reminder of how much it sucks. It sucks a lot. Unfortunately, we have moved from discord right into a pile of stress a mile high. We are both so tired that our sex life is in the crapper, too. It's a mystery to me, thus far, how to get over the hurdle of ramping the sex back up after a lull.
I hope you can find your way back to lovey-dovey (or whatever state you guys are happy in) soon. I'll be working on it myself, so you will be in my thoughts.
JJ is right - we should send all the men away for a bit.
I hope you and Tim can get on the same page and things get easier between the two of you.
Are you living in my house? For real. Maybe we're just living parallel lives.
Hugs to you!
Well that is just a shitty place to be stuck in. So sorry you are going through this. I think the part in the "marriage manual" that is missing is the part where having children can actually put a strain on a marriage not make it all rainbows and unicorns happy. I laugh at those people who think that making a baby can actually "fix" a relationship. Really? I feel like you tend to lose yourself (not to mention your sexy side) when you spend 24/7 with a needy kid (or in your case - kids).
Hope you guys can work something out soon and find some peace in the house. Maybe the next time Tim gets upset you should shock the shit out of him and just jump him. ;) I know, easier said than done. Just a thought.
I think when men get together they discuss fantasy sex lives and none of them want to admit what really happens at home (which at our house is also nothing).
I am glad you realize that adding another baby would not fix things.
I wishing you all peace in your household!
@JJ Courtney and I decided all the men can stay where they are and WE will all go to a nice island for a break from them! :-)
@A New Beginning That really is what happens. My neighbor is always bragging about how great his sex life is...ummm...I'm friends with his wife. It's all lies! Hahaha!
@Suzy thank you so much sweetie!!
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