So yeah...I'm beating this dead horse a little more.
I just ran across a picture of someone breastfeeding. Instant sobbing. I don't know what blows harder...not being able to breastfeed like I wanted to or being so upset about it.
Trip latched so well and was a champ at nursing! It still upsets me to not have be able to feed him like I want to. I can't say that I'm not bonding with my little guy any less that I would have if I'd breastfed. I can say that I feel like I'm letting him down. It was a little difficult getting him to bottle feed at the beginning because he didn't want a bottle nipple. He shook his little head like a fiend...my take on it was that there wasn't enough of it to fill his mouth like my nipple did. He rarely does this anymore, but he still tries to latch on to any chest he gets near. The kid loves the boob.
Honestly...I only feel guilty about how much I DID NOT want to nurse Jack. The kid had a crap latch and was a lazy nurser. I'm sure that if my supply had been adequate I would have worked with a lactation consultant regarding his latch, so there's no guilt there. His nickname from day two of his life on the outside is "Razor-gums". Even with his best latch he still hurt me. The kid chewed! And bonding is a definite with my big man while he's eating. He's all about the eye contact! I couldn't seem to even get him to keep his eyes open when I tried to nurse him, though.
So, yeah. I'm hoping to quit beating myself up about this whole breastfeeding thing soon. I mean, look at how great everything else has gone! My ovaries worked, they just needed a little boost. My cervix rocked. My uterus was a champ. So my boobs are broken...big deal. :-)
5 comments:
It's hard to accept when the reality doesn't live up to our expectations. But I'm sure your boys are doing just fine.
I'm sorry you are feeling like that. The pressure to breastfeed is ridiculous. You are doing what works for your family and it is working! Your boys are doing great.
Don't you dare think for a minute that you are broken in any way. Trying to keep two little babies fully fed at all times is a lot of hard work. Those boys are so lucky to have you for their mother. Your love and dedication to them is completely evident.
I'm with all the other commentor's. You are not broken! Not at all. Your boys are not failed by you. It's ok to be sad because, this too shall pass
You are not broken! Even to this day Brynn won't breastfeed and the heck with it. I was a formula fed kid and so was my husband . He's 6 three and I'm 5 eleven and we're both pretty rockin people if I must say so, LOL! ((hugs))
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