I screwed up. I had to google a condition so I could remember what it's called and now I'm filled with fear. At my growth scan yesterday they found that both of the boys are suddenly measuring about a week ahead, where they've been pretty much on target (give or take a day) since the beginning. Both boys also have hydramnios, excessive amniotic fluid. I really just wanted to remember the name of the condition but of course couldn't stop myself from reading the possible causes once the googling had been done. Twin to twin transfusion was long ago ruled out. Gestational diabetes was ruled out yesterday. Now the causes have left seem to be infections and chromosomal defects. Fuck I'm scared. But what's the chance they would both have the same infection or chromosomal disorder? They're most definitely fraternal (we finally got good face shots of Baby A and he has a lot of my features while Baby B has always had more of Mr. W's features).
Either way it goes, I'm hormonal as hell so I'm scared pretty easily right now. For example: after my braxton hicks started last week it seemed that I wasn't feeling Baby B too much. I silently freaked out for a week. Yesterdays scan it revealed that Baby B had flipped and is now breach. That explains why I didn't feel him as much. But today was my last day at work and Mr. W is going out of town with work for two weeks beginning tomorrow. I've got two weeks until my next scheduled appointment with my doctor. I don't think the rational part of my brain is going to be able to hold out against the hormonal irrational side for two weeks while sitting home by myself all day and all night. I'm going to email my midwife and find out what the next step is in this matter. I have the distinct feeling that she's going to tell me I need to wait until my next growth scan (3 weeks instead of 4) to see if the excessive fluid and sudden growth is more/less/no change.
Another, quite possibly irrational, fear that I have is that they've moved my growth scan up by a week is because they're comfortable delivering twins at 30 weeks. The comment was made to me that as long as they made it to 30 weeks then everything would be fine. By whose definition? Not by mine! Sure, they're chance is pretty good, but still. I'm worried that they're doing the scan at 30 weeks so if the condition hasn't improved or has worsened they can give me an amniocentesis without as much fear of preterm delivery killing the boys. Again, this is probably an irrational fear. A) The chance of my water breaking due to an amnio is not that high B) They probably moved my growth scan up to 30 weeks because of the fact that it's 30 weeks (instead of having it at 31 weeks). I mean, my last scan is supposed to be at 34 weeks because they figure that I'll go any time after that.
I love these little lives inside of me more than I thought that I ever would. I can't quit thinking about the what-ifs, but can't imagine my life without them. I need some peace and some serenity. If I can't get that, I guess I'll have to settle for some serious housecleaning and crocheting to preoccupy myself instead. :-)
10 comments:
Ack. Well, I hope all is well. But it's so easy to freak out. I totally understand. But try to chill (although I know it's impossible)
How come you are done with work so early? Are you not going back, so you just quit?
Hey - I am here all day and all night! You call me if you need company to distract you. Or i can call you. I have free minutes
As for the sudden growtih issue- u/s biometry is +/- a couple of weeks. Up to three in the third tri- i.e. it's a crapshoot. I wouldn't fret about 'sudden growth' so much.
And the polyhydraminos- is it both babies (makes TTTS very unlikely) and by how much? Being slightly over the reference range is probably not significant.
J
I would talk through all of your concerns with your midwife or doc. Express your concerns and see if they have rational responses to calm you down.
Hope everything is okay!
Oh you poor hormonal lady! Step away from the Google!
I put in my notice at my job some 18 - 20 weeks ago once I found out I was carrying twins. Mr. W and I knew that we wanted me to be a SAHM. And Mr. W didn't want me working during the 3rd trimester. My midwife agreed that it would probably be in my best interst to leave early, too. She was actually shocked at my last appointment that I was still working (don't know why since I told her I was working until the end of September).
Dr Google is horrible. Why is it that you can find tons of "omg nooooo" type of things but so rarely find reassurances?
Avoid Dr Google. He's a doomsday nayser!
Any time you feel unsure or have questions, don't hesitate to call your midwife. If she thinks them silly, that's HER problem -not yours.
It's funny how differently different doctors handle twin pregnancies. I think it was at 30 weeks that I started having weekly scans just to make sure things were OK. It definitely gave me peace of mind.
I'm sure everything is fine with your boys, but I can't tell you not to worry, b/c I'd do the same thing...I worry about everything when it comes to the kids. Just try to stay away from searching online for info on this...the internet is not a pregnant mom's best friend.
What? Who is measuring you in weeks at this point in your pregnancy? That doesn't sound right to me. We stopped getting that measurement in the second trimester and they measured weight and other things (like head size) to determine percentiles. Please don't worry, this doesn't sound like anything - everything is fine! I know how you feel though I freaked out constantly, and it's hard with twins because like you said, you don't know if you are feeling one or the other for sure. Just STOP researching things online and relax! I am here for you if you need me.
liw
Best of luck. We're experiencing our second miscarriage, and I can completely relate to your computer experience. As a journalist, I find the Internet irresistable when it comes to searching for info on medical issues. But I rarely find any comforting information. I almost always feel worse when I'm done snooping. Hang in there. It's all we can do.
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