13dpo & it's a BFN. I know it technically is still early to call the game, but I'm doing it anyway. Even if I were to get a positive after today, I wouldn't have any faith in that pregnancy. My first pregnancy didn't show up until at least 15dpo, but it failed before it even got truly started.
But it's no big deal, at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's only the second month we've actually tried since our last loss. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. This doesn't prove any secondary infertility. This is normal. That's what I keep telling myself.
In reality I'm hurting. I was convinced I was pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant. This was my last chance to get pregnant before my EDD with my nugget. I didn't want to sit through that day without knowing hope was growing inside me. But now I don't have a choice.
Maybe I wouldn't be so upset today if I hadn't had dreams the past few days of getting a BFP. It's always a shock to wake up from such realistic happy dreams. You wake up not realizing it was only a dream at first, then it hits you it was. And reality is great, but not quite a good as the dream was.
Last nights dream contained a BFP and my Dad's dog. It was amazing! I called my parents to give them a boat load of good news. I couldn't remember what a few things I had wanted to tell them were, but I remembered to tell them that I was pregnant and that I'd found their dog. I was confused why they hadn't told me he was missing, but he showed up at the end of my driveway (which was actually at my childhood house in the dream). I was going to feed him good food to get him healthy then have my neighbor groom him before we saw them again. It was such a happy dream! In reality my Dad's beloved dog drowned in the pond behind my sister's house while my parents were at the hospital waiting on the arrival of the boys. And I'm not pregnant.
It really is no big deal, but just for today, maybe it is for me.
9 comments:
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I hate it when my dreams are full of promise and hope and then I wake up to reality only to find that I'd still rather be dreaming.
Thinking of you and sending you lots of love!
(((HUGS)) Even after all of these years, and all of these BFN's, each one still hits me hard. I get it.
Hugs,
Jo
I think, too often, we try to pretend things don't matter when they really really do, and that makes it harder to get past them.
I am so sorry for such a rough awakening to your day.
I hope reality becomes as happy as the dream soon!
I remember wanting so desperately to be pregnant again before I got to the EDD of the pregnancy I miscarried just to cut the pain even if it was only a little. It didn't happen for me then, either. I'm so sorry you're hurting.
I'm so sorry you're hurting this way. Big hugs to you.
Just wanted you to know we are thinking about you.
It's been a long time since I took a pregnancy test hoping for a positive, but oh how I can still feel the pain as it comes up BFN. I'm really sorry. Thinking of you!
Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I know it's so, so very hard. Hugs!!!
Our mind can play such mean tricks. I mean, good grief, I still HOPE I could be pregnant each month.
Im so sorry for the disappointment-sending you big hugs
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