I screwed up. I had to google a condition so I could remember what it's called and now I'm filled with fear. At my growth scan yesterday they found that both of the boys are suddenly measuring about a week ahead, where they've been pretty much on target (give or take a day) since the beginning. Both boys also have hydramnios, excessive amniotic fluid. I really just wanted to remember the name of the condition but of course couldn't stop myself from reading the possible causes once the googling had been done. Twin to twin transfusion was long ago ruled out. Gestational diabetes was ruled out yesterday. Now the causes have left seem to be infections and chromosomal defects. Fuck I'm scared. But what's the chance they would both have the same infection or chromosomal disorder? They're most definitely fraternal (we finally got good face shots of Baby A and he has a lot of my features while Baby B has always had more of Mr. W's features).
Either way it goes, I'm hormonal as hell so I'm scared pretty easily right now. For example: after my braxton hicks started last week it seemed that I wasn't feeling Baby B too much. I silently freaked out for a week. Yesterdays scan it revealed that Baby B had flipped and is now breach. That explains why I didn't feel him as much. But today was my last day at work and Mr. W is going out of town with work for two weeks beginning tomorrow. I've got two weeks until my next scheduled appointment with my doctor. I don't think the rational part of my brain is going to be able to hold out against the hormonal irrational side for two weeks while sitting home by myself all day and all night. I'm going to email my midwife and find out what the next step is in this matter. I have the distinct feeling that she's going to tell me I need to wait until my next growth scan (3 weeks instead of 4) to see if the excessive fluid and sudden growth is more/less/no change.
Another, quite possibly irrational, fear that I have is that they've moved my growth scan up by a week is because they're comfortable delivering twins at 30 weeks. The comment was made to me that as long as they made it to 30 weeks then everything would be fine. By whose definition? Not by mine! Sure, they're chance is pretty good, but still. I'm worried that they're doing the scan at 30 weeks so if the condition hasn't improved or has worsened they can give me an amniocentesis without as much fear of preterm delivery killing the boys. Again, this is probably an irrational fear. A) The chance of my water breaking due to an amnio is not that high B) They probably moved my growth scan up to 30 weeks because of the fact that it's 30 weeks (instead of having it at 31 weeks). I mean, my last scan is supposed to be at 34 weeks because they figure that I'll go any time after that.
I love these little lives inside of me more than I thought that I ever would. I can't quit thinking about the what-ifs, but can't imagine my life without them. I need some peace and some serenity. If I can't get that, I guess I'll have to settle for some serious housecleaning and crocheting to preoccupy myself instead. :-)
Friday, September 26, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Ramblings and semi-updates
Sorry for being so MIA. I know been less than two weeks since I've posted, but I've barely been reading or commenting. I'm bad, I know.
Right now I feel like hibernating. I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months. I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal. I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.
I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well. The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits. She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much. She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed. I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats. Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult. Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.
I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position. They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse. This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible. I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B. She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary. She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section. I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks. That was honestly a relief. All in all it was a very good appointment.
I scheduled my birthing classes. Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class. I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November. I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.
Braxton Hicks suck. I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon. Then it kind of hit me. Duh. But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them. I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down. It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work. Apparently a desk job is just too much right now. Seriously? Yup, seriously. And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen). She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended. She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day. Um...does she have that option at her job? Really. Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work. I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes. At this point what can they say? You're fired...hahahahah! That would be hilarious, actually. I'd like to see them train my replacement.
Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene. Everything below the belly button looks shredded. Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children. He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back." Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back. I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it. I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless. Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.
Well, I've rambled enough. Now I'm going to go to bed. I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!
Right now I feel like hibernating. I just want to cocoon and hide and wake up in a few months. I guess it's the hormones, but I just feel like this is all so surreal. I don't want to wake up until it's really real and I'm holding these boys in my arms.
I had an OB appointment the other day and it went really well. The midwife said my weight gain is perfectly within normal limits. She said the the doctor I'd seen at my previous visit wasn't too familiar with twin pregnancies so he just didn't know as much. She also told me to take the Zofran if I needed it, that it was better for me to have more good days than bad, and that I could continue the medicine throughout the pregnancy if needed. I saw a doppler for the first time in my life and got to hear the boys heartbeats. Of course Baby A wasn't too fond of it so he made it difficult. Baby B, the calm one IMO, barely moved while she was checking him.
I found out that the majority of the doctors that could end up delivering me have no problem doing a vaginal birth as long as Baby A is in a good position. They will (can't remember the exact term she used) reach in and get Baby B if he's breach or transverse. This made me feel good because I'd like to deliver vaginally if possible. I really don't want to deliver Baby A vaginally then have to have a C-section for Baby B. She said they'd only do that if absolutely necessary. She also said that since I'm having twins I always have the option of having a C-section. I was informed that I should expect to go into labor all on my own around 36 weeks, but that if I didn't they wouldn't let me go past 38 weeks. That was honestly a relief. All in all it was a very good appointment.
I scheduled my birthing classes. Mr. W will be out of town for the first one, but the classes last a month and I just can't risk waiting until the November class. I tried to schedule a breast feeding class, but the only one that's open is late November. I tentatively scheduled it, but I'm not sure I'll be able to make it.
Braxton Hicks suck. I didn't figure out that the odd feelings I'd been having were contractions until Thursday afternoon. Then it kind of hit me. Duh. But I only figured it out then because I'd been having so many of them. I called the clinic and when I finally heard back from a nurse she pretty much calmed me down. It turns out that my body is ready to be done with work. Apparently a desk job is just too much right now. Seriously? Yup, seriously. And the desk job is also the reason that I'm so damn swollen (I'm talking stretchy flip flops leave huge dents in my marshmallow feet swollen). She tried to tell me that it was because I wasn't drinking enough water, but I assured her I was drinking even more than they recommended. She asked if I was taking breaks at work to lay down for 20-30 minutes throughout the day. Um...does she have that option at her job? Really. Luckily I only have one week left before I'm done with work. I even explained to my bosses that if the contractions started acting up while I was at work, that I was taking a break (in their office none the less) and laying down for 20 or so minutes. At this point what can they say? You're fired...hahahahah! That would be hilarious, actually. I'd like to see them train my replacement.
Oh yeah, and I guess I didn't get the no-stretch-mark gene. Everything below the belly button looks shredded. Mr. W tried to comfort me by saying something about loving them because I got them bearing his children. He kind of counteracted that sweet comment about a week later when he saw me sans clothing, realized just how big my belly really is, and said, "I hope you're able to get your figure back." Um....in fact I'm more than likely never going to quite get my figure back. I can lose the weight and everything will shrink back some, but once you're stretched out to a certain point only surgery can fix it. I told him that it disturbed me that he had even said that and of course he came back with something along the lines of loving my body regardless. Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever.
Well, I've rambled enough. Now I'm going to go to bed. I promise, I may not be reading much and commenting less, but I am thinking of you all!!!
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