4 weeks later and every minute I'm alone the grief swallows me. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to walk through jello, the grief is that solid.
But I'm not the same person when I'm with people, or even when I'm tweeting. It's like another living human grounds me.
I finally admitted to Tim last night that I'm emotionally not in a good place right now. He's the only one I can say it to. I've had a really great friemd calling to check in on me, but I always say I'm doing fine...and at that moment it's 100% the truth.
Oh how I just wish I could get past this heart wrenching part and move on to the less painful feelings. I want to enjoy my quiet time again.
The baby was an XXY boy. The egg was fertilized with a X sperm & a Y sperm. In a world where only one sperm fertilized it, it could have been a normal girl.
****I am sooo sorry this published almost 15 times. I tried to post through my phone. Grrrr...stupid technology!***
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The results
We got the results from the karyotyping (please correct me if this isn't the right name for the test). I was relieved to even have results.
The baby was a boy. He had Triploidy. There was no way he would have survived out of the womb, even if he had somehow made it to term.
I feel like I have some closure, now. I'm able to get past part of the grief now that I know. Knowing the sex of the baby makes it a little more real, so I've opened up another avenue, but I feel like this is healthy.
Tim and I are even able to joke at this point. Right after the doctor told us that two sperm had fertilized the egg, causing the triploidy, I told him he had been too ambitious. A few minutes later he told me i was supposed to have two eggs ready. It was nice to laugh.
***update***
Now that I've read even more about Triploidy and the effects a longer pregnancy could have had on me, I'm thankful that the pregnancy ended as early as it did. I hate the way that sounds, that I'm thankful the pregnancy ended, but I felt the need to document this feeling.
The baby was a boy. He had Triploidy. There was no way he would have survived out of the womb, even if he had somehow made it to term.
I feel like I have some closure, now. I'm able to get past part of the grief now that I know. Knowing the sex of the baby makes it a little more real, so I've opened up another avenue, but I feel like this is healthy.
Tim and I are even able to joke at this point. Right after the doctor told us that two sperm had fertilized the egg, causing the triploidy, I told him he had been too ambitious. A few minutes later he told me i was supposed to have two eggs ready. It was nice to laugh.
***update***
Now that I've read even more about Triploidy and the effects a longer pregnancy could have had on me, I'm thankful that the pregnancy ended as early as it did. I hate the way that sounds, that I'm thankful the pregnancy ended, but I felt the need to document this feeling.
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