Your Slang vs My Slang

I learned something new today. 

I'd always known that saying something in the US and saying it in another country could get you different reactions, but today I received a great example.  Fanny.  This is a word that my mother will use on any given occasion when she needs to refer to someones ass.  It's always amused me because it seems like such a ridiculous word to use in place of butt/behind/patootie.  Of course this is my mom we're talking about and unless you cut her off in traffic (or you're my evil SIL) she bites her tongue and uses polite words.

Today I learned what "fanny" is slang for in other countries.  Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

Click the "keep reading" link below if you don't know what it means.

 

Poof!

That's what my body did the other day.  It went POOF!  I've been so swollen since Wednesday night that I finally called my doctor.  She had me come in and quickly determined that it's not preeclampsia.  My blood pressure is higher than it normally is, but not out of range, yet.  My urine is protein free and shows that I'm quite hydrated.  There seems to be no explanation for my hugeness except for the fact that I'm late in my third trimester. 

I explained that I've been trying everything I could think of to help.  I've lounged on my left side, I've kept my feet up, I've made sure to alternate walking around my house with staying seated, and I've hydrated hydrated hydrated.  To.  No.  Avail.  I've gained 4lbs in 5 days...water weight.

The swelling looks hilarious, but not being able to get my pants on is not.  If anyone has seen Wall-E, I pretty much look like one of the humans in the movie.  Especially when I'm walking.  (love that movie by the way!)  OK, so maybe my midsection looks a little different than the captain below, but the rest of me fits.  Seriously, it's comical!

I've been ordered to "rest more".  I'm not sure exactly how I'm supposed to do that since I do nothing but rest all day long.  I get up to get my blood circulating, to eat, and to go to the bathroom.  She also suggested I get some compression stockings, but I don't think I want to spend the money on them when I'll only be pregnant for about 10 more days.  Of course maybe I should since I've heard this can get even worse afterwards.  We'll see.

I didn't bother to have her check my cervix.  Last Wednesday I was 50% effaced and maybe a little more than a fingertip dilated.  I have my regularly scheduled appointment on Thursday so we'll see if there's been any change.

Oh yeah!  Baby B must be very smart!  He seems to have figured out that if he hides (as much as he can) behind my burn, he won't get poked.  The intern trying to get his heart rate was having a little bit of trouble because he was firmly tucked right behind my burn.  I tried to assure her that it was OK to place the doppler there, but she wouldn't do it.  It really does look worse than it is.  Of course, me being the freak that I am, the shock on her and the midwife's faces when I showed the the burn amused me.  I'm messed up!  ;-)