I AM doing better. Day by day even the quiet times get easier. I can't tell you where (exactly) I'd be in my pregnancy if it had been healthy. I actually had to think for a minute when my sister asked my what my EDD would have been*. Pregnancy announcements and baby stuff don't upset me.
The one thing that brings on the tears is news of a baby girl. And they're everywhere. I honestly can't think of one person I know online or IRL that's having a boy. And it hurts. So badly.
I feel guilty for being so jealous. I feel guilty for not responding to a text from a friend when she found out she's going to have a girl. I feel guilty for not commenting on a few blogs when they've announced their XX news. I feel guilty for being so jealous. I just hope no one takes it personally.
I have two beautiful children that I wouldn't give up for anything in the world. Please don't mistake my jealousy for ungratefulness. I am so very grateful for what I have in my life. I've been blessed beyond my dreams.
My sister asked me last night, "Are you going to react this way whenever anyone has a girl?" She didn't quite get it. I explained to her how I thought I was pregnant with a girl...in a perfect world it could have been a girl. So right now, everyone who's pregnant while I should have been, if they're having a girl I'm jealous. I'm pretty sure this too will pass.
I feel soooo shallow. Whatever.
*the first date that popped into my mind was May 19, which was the EDD for my first pregnancy (2008)